Title meaning: I'm not totally sure where I'm stuck in between. I don't think it's a rock...someone else said maybe a brick wall...which would be a hard place...hmm
As evidence by my lack of blogs for two months, my life has spun out of control. Or has spun further into control, meaning that my time is demanded of me regardless if I like it or not. Finding God in the midst of all this chaos has been one of the greatest struggles I have ever faced.
Frusteration, anger. Repeat. Where is the end?
Wrestling as I go along, I cry a lot. I am searching to hear and find God. I don't always listen to music in the car, souly to hear what He's saying to me.
Direction is needed.
I am at a constant state of speaking over myself that I will be found safe in His arms. The only ones that can truely save me.
It's even difficult to poor out my heart right now because I don't always know how I feel.
Positive information: Church has been really speaking to my heart the past two weeks, just on not feeling guilty, like a failure, and being able to lay our burdens down before God. I've had some significant prayer over me too. God is good. Even when everything seems difficult.
After that I can't really go into my rant again huh?
I have been searching, re-evaluating, searching, measuring thoughts. Just even in walking through things I used to talk about doing a certain way, realizing it's so much harder than just me saying it. I look at my life full in the face as each new week starts wondering, what am I going to make of all of this.
Living at home becomes different everytime I turn around. You see quickly how many people still view you as a highschool student. It's such a struggle, becoming an adult. Lots and lots of thinking.
Speaking of thinking...I'm pretty much done. I just finished doing hw and I wanted to write a blog.
Life keeps you guessing, that's what I tip my hat to.
