And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” - Revelation 21:5
June 24, 2013
two worlds: dreamer & doer
Dreams. Hopes. Plans. Busy. Time. Work.
I'm hoping by the end of that you were cringing, because I know I was. I feel often that those are the components of my being and that line up is the order I would love for them to be truly lined up in. However, as many of you have experienced in the world of grown-ups, as have I, the order is usually the opposite of above and by the time you get to the dreaming portion of your day...well, you're asleep or about to be.
My father is the greatest example of a dreamer in my life. He dreams big and remains hopeful until proven utterly undo-able, and then still holds out for God to work. He believes in people, has faith for them to run to Jesus even when everyone else has given up on them. When I was 8 years old he bought a crack house in Cleveland on the edge of a government housing project, gutted the entire house and raised a family there. Not to mention the countless amounts of missionaries & God-lovers they have housed for all different periods of time and the amount of ministry that has happened in all 3 of our living rooms -- because of they're availability to God. Because of his dreams, and actions on those dreams, so many people's lives have been touched by Jesus. I will tell anyone my family is crazy, because, let's face it, they are :) but I've never met anyone who loves more like Jesus does than my Dad.
Needless to say, but I will, being a dreamer is in my blood. Over the past 3 years or so, my life has had to come to an incredible halt and the discipline of learning multiple facts for hours and hours took the place of all different levels of free time. Plus I met the love of my life, a true dream fulfilled. Now I have entered into a season where free time is making it's way back...and I've been struggling.
The once free spirited girl who literally had no worries, not to much structure now has a "big girl" job, husband, bills, is used to agendas and schedules...and forgets to have time to create. It's probably extremely evident in the fact that I go months without blogging and haven't written a new song in over a year.
"God what do you want me to do? You've put dreams, desires and hopes in my heart, I don't want to miss out on what you have for me."
A daily conversation I have with God.
Recently, the two dreams of my heart, that have brought me to tears several times are I want to have children with my friends & watch our children grow up together; I want to make music and be able to participate in ushering in the presence of God. I have to will myself quite often that God is in control and has better plans that I could ever imagine, which could possibly mean them looking entirely different that what I want. Because life happens, plans are just simply that. People move away, situations change, opportunities fail to reveal themselves.
I am not bitter, I feel like it may come across that way simply because the tone of my heart couldn't possibly be heard perfectly through the words on the screen, I am simply being very honest. The perfect life we all long for is not here on earth. We get glimmers, sights, love and compassion, but heaven is a our true home.
With that being in mind, that hope clearly set before us (Romans 14) I have come to terms with the desires of my heart, not just the two mentioned of course, may not be fulfilled here on earth, it may have to wait until we reach heaven where all fullness is in Jesus. Oh my. I guess take a minute and think about that.
When I start to meditate on that, my eyes come off of me and go to Jesus, because in all of my selfish ways and my personal desires, knowing that one day that will all be over and there won't be any need to strive for those things we desire anymore...brings me such peace. Thank God.
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Okay...
I really didn't want to go plowing past that point.
I have now set the stage of what I REALLY wanted to blog about :)
A few nights ago, I had a dream that was about those two things that I have most recently been pleading to God about. I woke up feeling heart-broken, not because they were sad dreams, but because they were so imprinted on my heart that they had began showing up in my dreams. I am not a very detailed night time dreamer, usually if I remember dreams it's because they're traumatic enough to scare me awake, but not this dream.
If anyone follows me on instagram, pinterest, or Facebook you know that I am making an attempt to conquer as much as my pinterest as possible at this point of my life. Some people role their eyes about pinterest, calling it a waste of time...which it indeed can be, however it gives me the opportunity, no matter what the weather, to dream. I think that's why guys love video games and playing sports. Because we have been raised in a society that doesn't have time for dreaming and playing the "what-if" game once you become an adult.
Here I am in the middle of being a dreamer, and becoming a doer. The important thing is to be in a place of allowing time for dreaming, because it's beyond important. I need to do more dreaming and relaxing at the piano, I know it and it's a main priority right now. However, you can't just be a dreamer...as my Dad as taught me countless times, you have to have faith and drive to follow through and see what happens.
In my life, Jesus is not separate than my reality, he's definitely a part of when I cook, clean, layout, read, workout, work...you know, life! Because of that, I try to include Him in all of my struggle and even silly things like my pinterest challenge. I give Him my dreams and pray He'll give me the strength to either achieve them or let go and wait for His best.
I don't know how I possibly have not learned this lesson yet, I guess it's utterly ongoing. I love to learn, don't get me wrong, but this lesson, this balance is such a tough one. Letting God do His thing, trusting Him with your desires, because He put them there, YET not just sitting around waiting for things to happen, dreaming without any movement, but walking in faith and perseverance to achieve THE goal. And THE (ultimate) goal, is to reflect Jesus.
I am a very goal oriented person, I feel accomplished when I finish somethings, however, I really need Jesus to guide my dreams & my feet daily.
Thanks for reading guys, I think this has been one of my favorite blogs to write!
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