Being a wife

Most of the time I feel like I don't know enough to give advice about anything really. I've said to my Mom countless times that I can't wait until I'm older and people will take me seriously. Often times older people reflect on their younger years and tell "us young people" that these are our best days and we shouldn't wish them away for anything. I responded once to someone that it is very difficult to be young, respect is hard to come by, even when you work hard at it. These thoughts constantly plague my brain and I decided that I'm through with it. It's a fear thing. It's a false humility thing. I ask God for wisdom and discernment and then walk in it, with humility. I know that regardless of the wisdom that I may have, someone will know something better than me and I have to be humble enough to admit it. However, I need to be bold enough to share what God has put on my heart for those around me, otherwise I am not using gifting God has given me. This is my preface for this blog. I have only being a wife for exactly 2 years, 1 day & 3 hours at this point when writing. I don't know everything there is to know about being a wife, I figure I won't know everything until my last dying breath. Hopefully before then (chuckle). However, I am tired of feeling discredited because I've only been a wife for as long as I have. When I speak positively about my husband and how I miss him when we work different shifts I get responses like "well that will get old", "one day you'll be glad to get a break from him", "it'll change once you have children" ...so on and so forth. I could spend this whole blog spilling my guts about how I feel when people say those things to me. I'm sure you can imagine. But I'm tired of focusing on what other people are saying to me about how I should live my life, I want to hear the voice of the One who made marriage & this man I am now married too. Let's face it, if you think marriage is about your life, you're wrong. It's a reflection of Jesus. I don't know about you, but my overall goal is to reflect him better. This leads to my first of six points. 1. I am a selfish person. In first 6 months or so of my marriage one of my closest friends asked me what was the biggest thing I learned about being married or about Josh. I remember so clearly how that question resonated in my heart because the immediate struggle within me was my pride based thoughts. God had very clearly shown me a lot about myself in a very short time of being married. Of course I wanted to say something silly about how we clean the kitchen differently, but I KNEW the right honest humble answer. And that answer wasn't for her, it was for me. I told her that I had an increase awareness of the selfishness that I didn't even think I had. Growing up I was the oldest of 5 kids, I was always making sure that had their dinner and clothes done when Mom wasn't home. I worked as a nurse's aid in a hospital and I took care of people continually putting their needs above mine. I was a pretty consistent friend who would initiate time spent. I had a great list of why I was ready to be married. But oh my. Let's just say I married a good man, and I serve such a gracious and loving God. The sacrifice is real, considering you're own needs & at the same time another person's at either the same level or above -- it's painful. Phew. Yielding you're heart and emotions to another person's needs/wants/desires. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it is worth it. And it's for us! Not so that we can somehow manipulate the situation so we get what we want in the end, or because of some kind of magic our husbands will change what they want because they see how selfless we're being. Nope, nope, nope. It's so that Jesus can be better represented in us. Are we not called to be more like Him? He who is the definition of true sacrifice? It's okay to have selfish flesh desires, we are imperfect. But how gorgeous humility, true and pure, will look on us. 2. My comparing problem. Comparison is one of the biggest lies ever. That constant the grass is greener on the other side, or they get flowers every month and I don't....ugh. It's such a hot mess. Before I was married and even really knew Josh, I always hoped and prayed that my love story wouldn't be generic or boring or sound like anyone else's story. God is good. Now that I am married, it feels like high school all over again only now we have homes, cars, husbands, maybe children...etc. And it's a big competition. It's weird because even though I spent my pre-marriage time hoping to be different and then once married I am stuck in the comparison game where I'm desiring to be more like other people I know. Goofy I know. But we all do it don't we? When you sit an reflect on how silly it is, it becomes simply that. To top it all off, it is so belittling to you're marriage. The marriage that you were given to grow and pour time and energy into creating what God has for you to in life. I have always really struggled with different comparison problems, and don't think for one minute when you get married your insecurities and struggles just go out the window because you finally found someone you can depend on. If anything they get magnified. Don't beat yourself up, there is so much grace in marriage. Sometimes I think God has all this grace pent up specifically for you and your situation, and all we have to do is ask. I am so thankful that I've had encouragement about this in my marriage. The devil is waiting to pounce and destroy your marriage, and I'm pretty sure that this very thing is a huge root of why divorces happen. Do not let comparison steal the beauty of the unique way your marriage is supposed to make a difference on the world. Don't let it share you're joy because it doesn't look like someone else. My prayer for anyone with this issue as well as myself is this amazing verse in Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 3. I don't have that perfect wife syndrome. As a Christian, growing up in church & being a woman I have heard countless things about Proverbs 31. If you don't know it by looking at it maybe "a wife of noble character" will ring a bell. Essentially it is the very portion of scripture that everyone always focuses their time and energy explaining a perfect wife. Growing up, I rolled my eyes and blocked it out for the most part. I read it one time at, probably, age 12 and promptly decided I was never going to be that great and all the people who focus so darn hard on it are just lying to themselves because most of it is just not possible (chuckle). Now that I'm 25 I have a little more respect for it, after all, it is the Bible. Also on the other hand, you really need to look at this chunk of scripture. It doesn't just say that she's a good wife, works hard at cleaning and keeping the house and the children. It talks about how she actively living her life. She is a wife, but she's handling money well, her husband has confidence in her, she buys & sells,she spends her time well, etc. She was more than Suzie Homemaker. This is my point. There is no "perfect wife" picture to be (again) comparing yourself too. Your home, your work, your children - everything will be done differently and that's OKAY. Being a wife is wearing many hats, and I truly think that's the message Proverbs 31 should send. Not a measuring stick of perfection. My most recent example is when Josh & I would bring food to many places, people just assumed that I made the food. When actually, I married a man who loves to cook, and who is ridiculously good at it! I used to feel guilty that I wasn't doing a good job as a wife. But oh my goodness is that the wrong thing! Be you. Wear your hats. 4. Letting my control freak go. I like to be in control. Due to being the oldest, I was naturally assuming the decision making role often in my family before I married into a new one. Now that I'm in the new one and working on not being selfish, I'm also tag teaming that not being overbearing/controlling thing. It's a very difficult thing to let things go. You are not your husbands mother. You are both apart of the decision making. You cannot wave a rule book over your husbands head and say that he cannot do things. I have really been curious about when women say things to the extent of not letting their husbands buy certain things or spend their time on things -- this is how I look at it: Are you, as the wife, also planning on giving up your shopping, getting hair cut and nails done...you know your own list. No? Okay then. Let it go. Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's not important to this guy you love. And it's respecting him. Supporting his decisions and of course sometimes asking why is respecting him as a man. Being a demanding woman never got her what she truly wanted. In Ephesians 5 it talks about how wives need to submit to their husbands. A lot of woman I know would cringe at that, and sometimes, yes I do to. However it tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Both of these things are HUGE. And they complete a cycle. If woman feel loved, they want to yield to their husband and if a man feels respected he feels secure and able to love. It's tricky, but it's good. My goal is to let my husband be him. I never want to hold him back of anything good in life. 5. I am beautiful. I don't think there is a woman alive who doesn't deal with self-worth issues. It's our personal battle on a daily basis. My husband is a very honest person. He does not continually shower me with compliments (thank goodness) and he has also told me that I am not a pretty crier. He has also told me how upsetting it is for him when he tells me I look good and my response is something along the lines of "you always think I'm beautiful". Wow is that totally not fair to him! Again this goes back to my own heart issues. Because I am living proof that even if a man is crazy about you and your body and tells you everyday, if you are not happy with who you are, it won't make any difference and it will be very sad for your husband. So what is the magic formula to being happy with yourself? Being finally your goal weight? Getting that muscle tone? Filling out in all the right areas? No. Of course working out is good, taking care of yourself is important. BUT, it comes from knowing what He says about you. Knowing what your true worth is. I challenge you to find that verse that resonates in your spirit. Mine is Isaiah 43:1 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." The creator of the universe who made everything, all things mighty and beautiful, call you His. Whoah. 6. What love means. Something I have discovered about myself and I have begun to see it in others as well: I love talking about my husband. I love talking about how good he is with people, cooking, working, laughing, relaxing -- I love talking about it! I don't do it to rub it in others faces, I just feel so privileged to know him so well and get to be connected with such an awesome person. A lot of the time, we talk about other people and then we feel worse about ourselves, or better yet we will say something positive and good about ourselves after saying something good about our spouse. That's that competitive game again, that comparing business. But now it's not you against other people, it's you and your husband. If healthy competition is what makes it work in your relationship, more power to you, but not at a level where you have to put yourself up on a measuring stick next to your spouse. Appreciate the things he is good at, be thankful for them, be okay with not being good at everything. This is what loving someone looks like. As I close I will leave you with a thought. When Josh & I first started dating a couple rough things happened initially in our lives that brought us closer together, they were sad and difficult. In those moments we wanted to say that we loved each other, and we had only been dating for maybe a few weeks. We didn't feel like it was the "right time". But one night Josh was holding me in a hug and he pulled me away to look at my face and said "I love you as much as I could possibly love you at this point of our relationship". I feel the same way now. I know as much about being a wife as I could possibly know at this point. I'm sure I'll know more later. I may even write again on all of the topics and address them differently. But this is what Jesus is saying to me. He cares so much about our lives and our marriages. We have to share together. Thanks so much guys

the significance of fasting & prayer

In 2 days, my church will begin a corporate “Daniel Fast”, as many churches around the country do at this time. It’s an amazing way to start out the year. It can help you focus if you’re lacking direction. It can help cleanse your body of all the nasty you consumed over Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s. You can probably come up with more practical reasons of why fasting in the beginning of the year is helpful. Really though, fasting is an important part of our lives as Christians, for some very important reasons. In this blog, although I’m definitely not saying limited too, I will be focusing on four that have really helped me put some perspective on fasting and how to keep Jesus in the center. A lot of times, especially when there is a corporate fasting going on it’s easy to get caught up in the legalistic end of it verses focusing on the importance of it. I begin by saying this: My greatest conviction on fasting that it can only be truly good for you if the Lord has laid it on your heart to do so. Otherwise, it isn't the right timing. Before this past January, I had not fasted since I was 16. Why? Because the Lord clearly spoke to me that while I was in school and working that I didn't have time to focus on the main component of fasting which is spending time with the Lord rather than on other things/foods. I didn't have time to really focus on being dependent on Him, it ended up being that I was starving my physical body and not filling it up spiritually. So don’t read this the wrong way, I have incredible grace for those who know in their heart it isn't the right time for a fast. Here we go. Some basic reasons: -Jesus himself fasted (Matthew 4) -There are 19 verses in the Bible that reference fasting starting from the Old Testament all the way to the New Testament (christianteens.about.com) Some specific reasons: 1. To increase & deepen your personal prayer life & relationship with the Lord -Matthew 6:5-8( http://www.biblestudytools.com/matthew/6.html ) Jesus says "when you fast". He doesn’t say "if you feel like it someday when your new x-box isn't cool anymore or you really don't like chocolate, then fast". I love that although, there are many areas of the Bible that talk about fasting, Jesus not only fasted, but he directly taught about it. Another point to grasp in Matthew 6 is that fasting is linked with prayer. And not just prayer, the most famous prayer EVER. The Lord's Prayer. I firmly believe that Jesus is purposeful in everything. There is nothing that is simply “by chance" about this placement. The word moreover is used. The definition of that word (dictionary.reference.com) is: a "sentence connector" - which means in addition to what has already been said. I love that!! So there you go, prayer and fasting connected :) 2. Giving up pleasurable things, in order to see the Lord. -Daniel 1:8-17, 9, 10 I have been mulling over many verses in the Bible about fasting, and I think Daniel is key in the definition of what Biblical fasting is. In several accounts Daniel does an act of fasting, sometimes by clear explanation that he is fasting, and then others by the act of "giving up" things. - In the first reference ( http://www.biblestudytools.com/daniel/1.html ) it's about giving up pleasurable things, from the king's table no less. I love that they gave up what was being freely given to them, in order to not defile themselves to please the Lord to gain knowledge and wisdom. - Daniel 9 is another amazing reference of prayer and fasting, by name. Take the time to read this chapter. I really believe this prayer and the level of pleading mirrors how Esther and the Jewish people were probably praying, which we will get to later. Although it only talks about fasting in the beginning of the chapter, it's very important to tie in prayer with fasting; also reading a whole chapter is very enlightening. Growing up in church, I regret to say that I took a lot of scripture that I was told at face value, realizing later I wasn't even sure what it meant. Context is crucial! -Daniel's lifestyle of fasting is mentioned again in Chapter 10:2-3. This is the place that most churches take the "Daniel Fast" being 3 weeks long from. Again, the whole chapter is worth reading, however I found the key components of this chapter are that at the end of his fast, while he was weak he saw a vision (vs. 4-7) and He was encouraged (vs. 11-12). I feel as if the book of Daniel deserves so much study in comparison to the way we just blew through some highlighted parts related to fasting. I believe my own personal study during this time of fasting will be Daniel. 3. For change -Esther 4:12-16 ( http://www.biblestudytools.com/esther/4.html ) I have recently been going through the Beth Moore study of Esther, which is amazing, I would recommend it to all women! Learning the strategic moves of God through this book has been such a life giving source for me. I love that even though the devil was using hatred against God's chosen people to wipe them out, God used this threat to turn the hearts of the Jewish people, who had really turned from Him to be a part of the culture in Persia, back to Himself by praying and fasting for their people, to be redeemed. Does that give you chills? That you serve a God who loves to redeem His people?? Oh my gosh, I get so excited!! -Is there a friend? A family member? Someone who you've been asking God to rescue? Pray and fast for them. Don't limit what God can do in your life and in others. Obviously, His will triumphs over our plans, but who knows if He hasn't put you in the midst of this situation "for such a time as this" (Ester 4:14)? Maybe it's to win someone to Jesus, maybe it's just to plant seeds in their hearts, maybe it's specific words that you need to say to them, maybe it’s just for the Lord to come in an soften their hearts. You don't know, but God does. Esther prayed and fasted to save a nation, the significance of that is still evident in our world today. 4. For the oppressed and broken; to bring glory to the Lord -Isaiah 58 ( http://www.biblestudytools.com/isaiah/58.html ) This chapter is one of my single most favorites. I literally started crying at the end because of how it resonates in my heart. -In the beginning (vs. 1-5), I think we can tie similarities to how Jesus refers to the religious leaders in Matthew 6 about fasting and praying. And also I think to how sometimes the church can view it. We sometimes believe we serve an ATM Jesus, wanting answers right away, wondering why God doesn't notice what we have done for Him. Demanding and acting as if we are entitled from things from God is really not the best heart to have. Fasting will always go back to what is the condition of your heart? Are you truly humble before the Lord, asking Him to come and have His place in your life and lead you? This is a very good question to ask ourselves regardless of if we're fasting or not. Because if we set our hearts on what the Heart of God wants, we will receive so much more of Him. -Then!! In verses 6-14, BAM! We get knocked out by the significance of fasting! It is for a great purpose! There's not even a need for explanation, just read this!!: "Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. " -Isaiah 58:9-12 One other point that is helpful and important with fasting: Having specific things your fasting about. Last year my husband prayed and fasted for another vehicle and for God to also provide him with a new job. We were down to one car and it was difficult. During the fast, a family friend of ours gave us a truck, that is thankfully still doing well. We gave glory to God. However, God did not give him a new job, but He has given him a new attitude towards his job. I asked that God would give me a leadership opportunity to able to invest in His kingdom, and literally the Monday after we started the fast, my Mom and I spoke about me subbing in to teach for her, which led to me again teaching this year. God is good. Sometimes He doesn't come through like we want, but He does come through. Having specifics when you fast also help you stay focused in your prayer time. Personally, I cannot wait to start fasting this upcoming week, I know it's crazy, but I am excited about what the Lord wants to do in my life and those around me. The fast I am participating in is essentially a vegan diet, minus sugar and I am also fasting my personal TV show time and to only listen to worship music during this time. The essence of fasting is giving up pleasurable things, in order to strengthen our walk with the Lord. I truly believe it can be food or stuff, or both. I hope this was thought provoking and was able to speak to your hearts! Jesus loves when we seek His face above every other thing; the boot camp of that process is fasting!