There's a bunch of fifteen-year-old girls (roughly) down in the day care at the moment throwing a party, "just for fun", for the girls in our neighborhood.
They came over about an hour before they were throwing it, setting up streamers in all girly colors hanging every which way - even from the fan - nail polish of all different colors are lined up on top of the book shelves. All of their own intiative.
Oh how wonderful it is to be fifteen.
I remember the things that mattered to me at fifteen. Spending time with my friends, playing volleyball, seeing all the latest chick flicks (with my besties or my Dad lol), making sure I had a "summer color" nail polish and time in the sun. I worried about spending enough time with God at night, balanced with phone conversations. I made a second go-around of my "list" of the guy I wanted to date, but seemed to spend way more with the ones who were actually my friends (even though I talked the most about the ones I liked). I wrote songs and sang all the time. I didn't think much about the future, not because I didn't care, it just didn't matter.
I didn't have a job, I didn't have lame college professors. None of my close friends had any boyfriends, let a lone were getting married.
Seeing these girls today just gave me, a glimmer of hope, somehow? Maybe even if a backwards way.
Recently, I've been having a hard time finding joy. Joy is one of those words I feel is touchy. I do believe that God is the true giver of joy, nothing satisfies like Him. But even so in serving or worshipping Him - my heart hasn't been leaping. Not to mention the dark cloud that seems to hover over parts of my life, not letting in the sun. That's difficult. And sad. Not happy.
Over this summer I've been learning a lot, but it hasn't been very rewarding. I'm just learning. I haven't seen the flower yet from the growth.
So everything seems to be somewhat difficult.
Seeing these girls today, as I said, gives me reason to believe that God desires to bless my life. These girls are so joyfully pursuing what God has put on their heart, blessing the little girls. They have the time to plan fun things, as often times, when you get older, you loose time to be able to do that.
But God.
He has more up His sleeve. Some way, I have to believe that. That someday again I feel will feel joy.
I am not fifteen any longer, I have worries and cares and deadlines and clock in times, but, someday life won't look like this.
I will choose to trust in what is yet to come.
Even if that's only until heaven one day, it will be my reward.
Thank you Alayna, Abbey, Martha, Heather and Anna for reminding me that life is beautiful and Jesus is a lover. Love you all.
July 21, 2010
July 14, 2010
summer recollections.
How to begin this blog. I feel like writing has become a pastime. I rarely even write in my own personal journal (which is very strange). It's been over a month since I sat down and gathered my thoughts in a way where other people could read and understand them.
But here I go.
It's been a trying summer. There's been so much going on, half the things I've chosen to do,the other half that is kind of expected of me. It's my responsibility, I need to be present, etc. Don't get me wrong, it really hasn't been bad, just different. It's been a balance between realizing I can't experiance freedom in my physical life and understanding that freedom comes from the spiritual element of my life - namely Jesus.
To illustrate this thought, I will begin the summer in paragraph form.
The first event of the summer was the Cleveland House of Prayer's Summer Teen Intensive (FYI intensive is not a word, we are aware). It ran Sunday-Saturday and I was able participate in leading, but I also got so much out of it. I built a stronger relationship with the girls mainly during the week, but also the guys. It was a such a joy for me to be able to see each of them walk into an arena, big or small,that they have never been apart of/done before. I felt very priviledged.
During the week, the word that God kept pressing on my heart was stamina. There were two days inparticular he just reminded me that he had given me the stamina, grace and ability to continue through the day, without breaking down or getting overtly frusterated. Taking rest in that was probably the most rewarding part of the week for me. I would definitely do it again, and or something like it anywhere else.
In between STI and Kingslove there was a week that I had off (not from work) and I spent a lot of time with my siblings, as it turned out. Spent a wonderful beach day with my sisters, enjoyed ice cream and driving home in a huge storm then finding out block busters was closing and would sell us cheap movies that we went home and watched. On Friday I packed up Ben, Anna & Grace and we went to the AlIVE Music Festival all day. We got to hear this really awesome band called Tim Be Told in one of the smaller tents, got really muddy, ate waffles off the grill with Adam, Luke & Josh (who were also at ALIVE camping out), sang loudly to David Crowder and left before Skillet blew themselves up on stage (due to all their flames). It was a really fun day, they really enjoyed it. Saturday I went to my class in the morning and we ended at 10 in the morning; I called Dan complaining that we could've gone to ALIVE that morning instead... by 11:30 we were heading out the door to ALIVE once again. We ended up parking like a million miles away, but it was totally worth it.
We got to see Needtobreathe:) favvvooorrriite. And Chris Tomlin & TobyMac :) It was a greeeeeaaaat night!!! So hot, but amazing. The thing that struck me the hardest was that when we were doing worship with Chris Tomlin, there was very few people really engaging during and staying engaged in between songs. I just saw such a clear picture of what the church looks like right now, and it saddened my heart. We were made to worship, Jesus, no one else.
Coming off of that, I had three days of work in a row, then rolled Kingslove.
Kingslove was a wonderful week, I have no complaints. Still, it was a learning process, always a balancing act of switching who's in charge periodically. I think it's so good for the people of God to change roles from time to time. Being in charge takes away from the hands on stuff usually. Which is very difficult for me.
I had a dance group this year, we had beautiful scarves and we danced to "Not to Us" by Chris Tomlin. It amazed me how quickly they learned it, and it was such a blessing to my little heart when they did it at the end.
I can't complain when I'm surrounded by passionate, beautiful, wonderful people. Seeing God move on their hearts in different ways, experiancing Him moving on mine.
I guess there will be another updating blog shortly, but right now, it's time to keep moving.
God is good, He is faithful and perserve my life.
But here I go.
It's been a trying summer. There's been so much going on, half the things I've chosen to do,the other half that is kind of expected of me. It's my responsibility, I need to be present, etc. Don't get me wrong, it really hasn't been bad, just different. It's been a balance between realizing I can't experiance freedom in my physical life and understanding that freedom comes from the spiritual element of my life - namely Jesus.
To illustrate this thought, I will begin the summer in paragraph form.
The first event of the summer was the Cleveland House of Prayer's Summer Teen Intensive (FYI intensive is not a word, we are aware). It ran Sunday-Saturday and I was able participate in leading, but I also got so much out of it. I built a stronger relationship with the girls mainly during the week, but also the guys. It was a such a joy for me to be able to see each of them walk into an arena, big or small,that they have never been apart of/done before. I felt very priviledged.
During the week, the word that God kept pressing on my heart was stamina. There were two days inparticular he just reminded me that he had given me the stamina, grace and ability to continue through the day, without breaking down or getting overtly frusterated. Taking rest in that was probably the most rewarding part of the week for me. I would definitely do it again, and or something like it anywhere else.
In between STI and Kingslove there was a week that I had off (not from work) and I spent a lot of time with my siblings, as it turned out. Spent a wonderful beach day with my sisters, enjoyed ice cream and driving home in a huge storm then finding out block busters was closing and would sell us cheap movies that we went home and watched. On Friday I packed up Ben, Anna & Grace and we went to the AlIVE Music Festival all day. We got to hear this really awesome band called Tim Be Told in one of the smaller tents, got really muddy, ate waffles off the grill with Adam, Luke & Josh (who were also at ALIVE camping out), sang loudly to David Crowder and left before Skillet blew themselves up on stage (due to all their flames). It was a really fun day, they really enjoyed it. Saturday I went to my class in the morning and we ended at 10 in the morning; I called Dan complaining that we could've gone to ALIVE that morning instead... by 11:30 we were heading out the door to ALIVE once again. We ended up parking like a million miles away, but it was totally worth it.
We got to see Needtobreathe:) favvvooorrriite. And Chris Tomlin & TobyMac :) It was a greeeeeaaaat night!!! So hot, but amazing. The thing that struck me the hardest was that when we were doing worship with Chris Tomlin, there was very few people really engaging during and staying engaged in between songs. I just saw such a clear picture of what the church looks like right now, and it saddened my heart. We were made to worship, Jesus, no one else.
Coming off of that, I had three days of work in a row, then rolled Kingslove.
Kingslove was a wonderful week, I have no complaints. Still, it was a learning process, always a balancing act of switching who's in charge periodically. I think it's so good for the people of God to change roles from time to time. Being in charge takes away from the hands on stuff usually. Which is very difficult for me.
I had a dance group this year, we had beautiful scarves and we danced to "Not to Us" by Chris Tomlin. It amazed me how quickly they learned it, and it was such a blessing to my little heart when they did it at the end.
I can't complain when I'm surrounded by passionate, beautiful, wonderful people. Seeing God move on their hearts in different ways, experiancing Him moving on mine.
I guess there will be another updating blog shortly, but right now, it's time to keep moving.
God is good, He is faithful and perserve my life.
June 8, 2010
inevitable.
Change is inevitable; growth is optional.
I'm not sure who said that, but I agree with them whole heartedly.
The word inevitable means incapable of being avoided or evaded.
I find it rather ironic that I embraced this phrase a few weeks ago as my own and now it seems I am being called to put it into practice.
I have never done well with change being thrust upon me.
I do like to change things up a little bit, I hate doing the same exact thing over and over. In working out, you're suppossed to change up your routine regularly so your body doesn't get used to the same moves. I like to help other people go through change (haha that amuses me greatly), I like trying new things and challenging myself in different areas.
However, there certain elements of change I have to work hard at not curling into a little ball in the corner to cry.
I think it's Ghandi who says be the change you want to see in the world. No clue really what that means, and I don't really want to...
Of course you should be the one attempting to change your surroundings for the better, but it's nearly impossible for people to change eachother, situations and circumstances just by making a statement like that. Situations change reguardless of people doing anything... and in writing that I feel like I walked off the deep end somewhere. Maybe more on that later? Who knows.
I just found this other quote by Henry David Thereau: "Things do not change: we change."
I'm going to take the liberty to say that "things" are surroundings, situations, houses, cars, etc. You know tangible things. I mean those things "change" but they shouldn't be what is changing us. Change happens from within.
I was talking to someone the other day about how we, personally, can't change people. Only God can, in His own timing. That's the kicker. In His own timing. I am convinced that God is all about His own timing; in fact, I am more than convinced.
These are different levels of change that have been in my head as of the past week or so. The most recent though, questions parts of me that I have walked through, buried, walked through, buried, walked through, buried...you get the idea.
The hardest, most difficult level of change for me has to do with the people I love. I know I'm not alone in this either, so if at anytime during this blog it seems that I am like "woe is me, my world is caving in" blah blah...it's not what I mean.
So yes, the people I love. Change happening such as moving, getting married, best friends getting significant others. Moving is the big one.
In the summer of 2007 I think I had the most transitional time I have had yet. My family decided they were moving to New York, the guy I thought I was going to marry, in my little 18-year-old just graduated heart, changed his mind; in the fall that year I lived with my Aunt and Uncle while my family moved to New York, in the winter of that year I joined them and moved back 5 months later. Major transition. It was so difficult, but I saw God bless each phase of that time so much because I was constantly getting before him, crying, yelling, journaling, singing, ranting, pouting...and sleeping -- just to push through.
That wasn't the first time, I have been adapting to transition for my entire life, it was just the one that is the most prevalent in my mind because I'm sensing such similar emotions right now. P.s. By the way, I'm not moving and neither is my family.
So this change is inevitable.
Bound to happen.
How else would we change and grow.
I believe that change goes hand in hand with seasons. Not the actual seasons, although sometimes I feel like my heart and my spirit are parallel with what the weather is doing (wooohoo Cleveland). But seasons of time where we are apart of specific things and the change starts to happen when we are either released from it, or the focus isn't so, lol, focused on that area, or we are being called to step into a higher wrealm of it.
There is time for everything.
So the question is, what season are we in, what is God calling us into (if we are transitioning into a new seaon)?
I am so very grateful that God is so incredibly faithful. This is one of the reasons why I love Him so very much. He teaches me so much about how much He loves me. I love how prepares my heart for the change that will be taking place around the corner. Because He goes before me, gaurds my heart and promises to give me hope for my future. He is so good.
I say all of the things with tears often running down my face, taking deep breaths and allowing little pockets of sunshine penetrate my heavy heart - all acting as a reminder that I can trust my Daddy, in heaven, for the change that He will bring.
As much as I think people use this verse way to much, and I know the song gets stuck in your head because it gets stuck in mine; this verse is very applicable. I want to end with this.
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8,11,14-15
I'm not sure who said that, but I agree with them whole heartedly.
The word inevitable means incapable of being avoided or evaded.
I find it rather ironic that I embraced this phrase a few weeks ago as my own and now it seems I am being called to put it into practice.
I have never done well with change being thrust upon me.
I do like to change things up a little bit, I hate doing the same exact thing over and over. In working out, you're suppossed to change up your routine regularly so your body doesn't get used to the same moves. I like to help other people go through change (haha that amuses me greatly), I like trying new things and challenging myself in different areas.
However, there certain elements of change I have to work hard at not curling into a little ball in the corner to cry.
I think it's Ghandi who says be the change you want to see in the world. No clue really what that means, and I don't really want to...
Of course you should be the one attempting to change your surroundings for the better, but it's nearly impossible for people to change eachother, situations and circumstances just by making a statement like that. Situations change reguardless of people doing anything... and in writing that I feel like I walked off the deep end somewhere. Maybe more on that later? Who knows.
I just found this other quote by Henry David Thereau: "Things do not change: we change."
I'm going to take the liberty to say that "things" are surroundings, situations, houses, cars, etc. You know tangible things. I mean those things "change" but they shouldn't be what is changing us. Change happens from within.
I was talking to someone the other day about how we, personally, can't change people. Only God can, in His own timing. That's the kicker. In His own timing. I am convinced that God is all about His own timing; in fact, I am more than convinced.
These are different levels of change that have been in my head as of the past week or so. The most recent though, questions parts of me that I have walked through, buried, walked through, buried, walked through, buried...you get the idea.
The hardest, most difficult level of change for me has to do with the people I love. I know I'm not alone in this either, so if at anytime during this blog it seems that I am like "woe is me, my world is caving in" blah blah...it's not what I mean.
So yes, the people I love. Change happening such as moving, getting married, best friends getting significant others. Moving is the big one.
In the summer of 2007 I think I had the most transitional time I have had yet. My family decided they were moving to New York, the guy I thought I was going to marry, in my little 18-year-old just graduated heart, changed his mind; in the fall that year I lived with my Aunt and Uncle while my family moved to New York, in the winter of that year I joined them and moved back 5 months later. Major transition. It was so difficult, but I saw God bless each phase of that time so much because I was constantly getting before him, crying, yelling, journaling, singing, ranting, pouting...and sleeping -- just to push through.
That wasn't the first time, I have been adapting to transition for my entire life, it was just the one that is the most prevalent in my mind because I'm sensing such similar emotions right now. P.s. By the way, I'm not moving and neither is my family.
So this change is inevitable.
Bound to happen.
How else would we change and grow.
I believe that change goes hand in hand with seasons. Not the actual seasons, although sometimes I feel like my heart and my spirit are parallel with what the weather is doing (wooohoo Cleveland). But seasons of time where we are apart of specific things and the change starts to happen when we are either released from it, or the focus isn't so, lol, focused on that area, or we are being called to step into a higher wrealm of it.
There is time for everything.
So the question is, what season are we in, what is God calling us into (if we are transitioning into a new seaon)?
I am so very grateful that God is so incredibly faithful. This is one of the reasons why I love Him so very much. He teaches me so much about how much He loves me. I love how prepares my heart for the change that will be taking place around the corner. Because He goes before me, gaurds my heart and promises to give me hope for my future. He is so good.
I say all of the things with tears often running down my face, taking deep breaths and allowing little pockets of sunshine penetrate my heavy heart - all acting as a reminder that I can trust my Daddy, in heaven, for the change that He will bring.
As much as I think people use this verse way to much, and I know the song gets stuck in your head because it gets stuck in mine; this verse is very applicable. I want to end with this.
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8,11,14-15
May 27, 2010
what they don't get.
Swirling around thoughts about the opposite sex I have to communicate, because I feel sometimes that all hope is lost with them.
1. Being always agreeable isn't really an attractive trait. No matter how much girls say that just want a guy to tell them they're beautiful, often it doesn't cut it.
2. Never put me in a previous category of what you think a girl is like.
3. Flowers and things are just barely scratching the surface, get creative.
4. If you weigh less than me, it's probably not going to work. I tend to tackle people in hugs and I don't want to run you over.
5. When I'm your friend, I want to be your friend, don't assume anything otherwise, I will tell you if something is different. I am an extremely verbal person.
6. The less you talk, the more interesting you are.
7. When you crack a grin when I do something funny (aka drop something, fall, say something ridiculous), that is the way to earn brownie points. Not laughing obnoxiously loud. I may be funny, but not that funny.
8. I am very detail oriented, I pay attention to little things and appreciate them more than big things.
9. Just because we both love Jesus, doesn't mean it's meant to be.
10. I do not like being pursued when I have not given any indication that's what I want.
11. I know I sound like a control freak ;)
12. When I get pissed, I definitely am, and if you don't ever you kind of loose.
13. Please do not assume because you read everything I post on facebook that you know me. I lived with me for my whole life and I still feel rather clueless
14. I don't like push-overs. I like when a guy can stand his ground.
15. I don't like when people argue to simply argue, it's so dumb, so even a hint of that turns me waaay off.
16. I'm all about tone of voice, shouting really bothers me...even though sometimes I an be the queen of it. It just depends on the setting.
17. Don't try so hard, it looks silly. Be yourself, and don't try to get people to notice you.
18. Just because I like a TV show doesn't mean I'm the type of girl who must see all episodes.
19. I like man movies, possibly more than chick-flicks but not more than disney movies.
20. I should not be able to beat you up ;)
21. Just because I'm nice to you and laugh and smile around you, doesn't mean I'm falling for you.
That's what's up.
Girls are complicated, but don't get caught up on stuff like this. We will always be complicated.
1. Being always agreeable isn't really an attractive trait. No matter how much girls say that just want a guy to tell them they're beautiful, often it doesn't cut it.
2. Never put me in a previous category of what you think a girl is like.
3. Flowers and things are just barely scratching the surface, get creative.
4. If you weigh less than me, it's probably not going to work. I tend to tackle people in hugs and I don't want to run you over.
5. When I'm your friend, I want to be your friend, don't assume anything otherwise, I will tell you if something is different. I am an extremely verbal person.
6. The less you talk, the more interesting you are.
7. When you crack a grin when I do something funny (aka drop something, fall, say something ridiculous), that is the way to earn brownie points. Not laughing obnoxiously loud. I may be funny, but not that funny.
8. I am very detail oriented, I pay attention to little things and appreciate them more than big things.
9. Just because we both love Jesus, doesn't mean it's meant to be.
10. I do not like being pursued when I have not given any indication that's what I want.
11. I know I sound like a control freak ;)
12. When I get pissed, I definitely am, and if you don't ever you kind of loose.
13. Please do not assume because you read everything I post on facebook that you know me. I lived with me for my whole life and I still feel rather clueless
14. I don't like push-overs. I like when a guy can stand his ground.
15. I don't like when people argue to simply argue, it's so dumb, so even a hint of that turns me waaay off.
16. I'm all about tone of voice, shouting really bothers me...even though sometimes I an be the queen of it. It just depends on the setting.
17. Don't try so hard, it looks silly. Be yourself, and don't try to get people to notice you.
18. Just because I like a TV show doesn't mean I'm the type of girl who must see all episodes.
19. I like man movies, possibly more than chick-flicks but not more than disney movies.
20. I should not be able to beat you up ;)
21. Just because I'm nice to you and laugh and smile around you, doesn't mean I'm falling for you.
That's what's up.
Girls are complicated, but don't get caught up on stuff like this. We will always be complicated.
May 25, 2010
summersummersummersummersummer.
Oh man I'm excited! I felt the need to write a blog about how much summer excites me. I was moping a little bit yesterday because I was realizing that I start my summer classes in a couple days, but then....after getting off work last night... the blast of cool, yet somehow warm, summer air beckoned me to come out. You have no idea how awful it is in the winter to leave work at 11:30 or later and get a slap in the face from the very cold air; which makes it all the more wonderful now that summer has finally come.
More summer things.
I love my nails painted orange. Silly I know, but it makes me happy...it makes me smile.
I took a walk on the beach with my best friend Sunday, laughed really hard at the kids and their parents, all freaking out because no one is used to being on the beach yet. Everyone's in their bathing suits, but no one is going in because the water is freezing. I got a sunburn on my shoulders; something I was trying to avoid this summer (because burning is so bad for your skin), but somehow, it feels more like summer with those red-brown, somewhat tender spots on my shoulders.
We also visited the spot she's getting married at in September. It's this beautiful rustic area with trees we need to figure out to make use of. They didn't really think very well when they made the seats because an entire row is unable to see in front of them, because of a tree. lol. It was so much fun. Kind of felt like a was a little girl, planning away. Only to be constantly brought to the realization that this was real life and we were planning a real event.
It's not scary any more, it's fun. Even though it is a symbol of childhood being over, thinking and talking about weddings and such brings into memory of how we felt about it, planning it so long ago. So in a way, childhood is not totally lost.
First trip to the beach is always a memorable day.
Driving top down is my favorite, and not because I feel cool or anything ridiculous like that. I love the sun beating down, I love the wind, even when it blows my hair in every direction leaving me with knots. I love especially at night, it's so calm and relaxing.
I've been waking up in the morning and spending a couple hours tearing through books I've been planning on reading since spring break. I love waking up to the sun shining.
There's some uncertainty that comes with summer. Particulary the month of June. It's soo busy, so so busy. I want to be able to focus and not get caught up in the rapid speed of everything. I want to lead well.
--Hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire until I become something beautiful --
Summer is so good. Jesus is better.
More summer things.
I love my nails painted orange. Silly I know, but it makes me happy...it makes me smile.
I took a walk on the beach with my best friend Sunday, laughed really hard at the kids and their parents, all freaking out because no one is used to being on the beach yet. Everyone's in their bathing suits, but no one is going in because the water is freezing. I got a sunburn on my shoulders; something I was trying to avoid this summer (because burning is so bad for your skin), but somehow, it feels more like summer with those red-brown, somewhat tender spots on my shoulders.
We also visited the spot she's getting married at in September. It's this beautiful rustic area with trees we need to figure out to make use of. They didn't really think very well when they made the seats because an entire row is unable to see in front of them, because of a tree. lol. It was so much fun. Kind of felt like a was a little girl, planning away. Only to be constantly brought to the realization that this was real life and we were planning a real event.
It's not scary any more, it's fun. Even though it is a symbol of childhood being over, thinking and talking about weddings and such brings into memory of how we felt about it, planning it so long ago. So in a way, childhood is not totally lost.
First trip to the beach is always a memorable day.
Driving top down is my favorite, and not because I feel cool or anything ridiculous like that. I love the sun beating down, I love the wind, even when it blows my hair in every direction leaving me with knots. I love especially at night, it's so calm and relaxing.
I've been waking up in the morning and spending a couple hours tearing through books I've been planning on reading since spring break. I love waking up to the sun shining.
There's some uncertainty that comes with summer. Particulary the month of June. It's soo busy, so so busy. I want to be able to focus and not get caught up in the rapid speed of everything. I want to lead well.
--Hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire until I become something beautiful --
Summer is so good. Jesus is better.
May 17, 2010
That's all I got today.
So I'm sitting, listening to rain on my typical Cleveland street. *Cough* Ohio street, you know where it rains every couple days, just to let us know we live in a really weird weather state. Anyways, I'm sitting, eating dried fruit (even though I know it's not very good for you), contemplating love.
I just watched Hitch. It always makes me think, because as corney as it may sound...or rather read...I love "one-liners" in that movie, because it at least sounds genuine. And it makes me laugh, ridiculously hard.
This weekend, or even week, was so packed. First week off from school, jammmmmm packed with places to go and people to see; but I feel alive and engaged. And that is wonderful. It pulls on my emotions and drains my energy, getting to see everyone, but that's life and I love the people in mine.
So love, it's kind of a funny, ever-changing, different for everyone kind of thing.
I love the married people I know who are either new parents or aren't there yet, who still have that pre-marriage glow.
I love seeing pictures from proms & formals of boyfriend girlfriendness in matching ties & dresses.
I actually really love seeing men/guys who wear a hair-tye around their wrist, just in case their girlfriend/wife may need it eventually.
I love being around my friends who are in love with someone, you can't help but smile and laugh, because that's what it's about right? Loving people, loving to see them be happy.
I know it's not ONLY that of course, but it's part of it.
I can't help it, I love seeing attractive people in pictures together.
I love seeing my brother excited his girlfriend is coming this week to visit!
I've never met her :] and I'm excited too.
I love seeing ex boyfriends happy with their new girlfriends.
There I said it.
And it's true.
I think that's the good kind of love to have for people too. The kind of love that wants the best for them, not to being selfish.
It's probably the hardest thing for me to ever learn. I am a very selfish person. Sometimes I say things that need major tact. I was just saying a few days ago, or acknowledging I have no good thing apart from God.
So with that swirling around in my head, I've also realized that love is serving people and anticipating their needs. I'm not gonna lie, when people do that for me, I melt inside.
Because I love being served, I have to also learn how to love serving others. So not easy, sometimes it is, other times it's really not. And not just serving them, but caring for their needs above your own. Not to the weird, creepy level. The loving and gentleness level.
I have to learn this, backwards and forwards, over and over. It's so important.
I didn't mean to end on such a serious note, or maybe I did and just didn't realize how deeply this sits within my heart.
And that's all I got today.
Love=Servanthood.
It has many other looks, colors, feels and meanings.
But the best, and the most geniune is servanthood.
I just watched Hitch. It always makes me think, because as corney as it may sound...or rather read...I love "one-liners" in that movie, because it at least sounds genuine. And it makes me laugh, ridiculously hard.
This weekend, or even week, was so packed. First week off from school, jammmmmm packed with places to go and people to see; but I feel alive and engaged. And that is wonderful. It pulls on my emotions and drains my energy, getting to see everyone, but that's life and I love the people in mine.
So love, it's kind of a funny, ever-changing, different for everyone kind of thing.
I love the married people I know who are either new parents or aren't there yet, who still have that pre-marriage glow.
I love seeing pictures from proms & formals of boyfriend girlfriendness in matching ties & dresses.
I actually really love seeing men/guys who wear a hair-tye around their wrist, just in case their girlfriend/wife may need it eventually.
I love being around my friends who are in love with someone, you can't help but smile and laugh, because that's what it's about right? Loving people, loving to see them be happy.
I know it's not ONLY that of course, but it's part of it.
I can't help it, I love seeing attractive people in pictures together.
I love seeing my brother excited his girlfriend is coming this week to visit!
I've never met her :] and I'm excited too.
I love seeing ex boyfriends happy with their new girlfriends.
There I said it.
And it's true.
I think that's the good kind of love to have for people too. The kind of love that wants the best for them, not to being selfish.
It's probably the hardest thing for me to ever learn. I am a very selfish person. Sometimes I say things that need major tact. I was just saying a few days ago, or acknowledging I have no good thing apart from God.
So with that swirling around in my head, I've also realized that love is serving people and anticipating their needs. I'm not gonna lie, when people do that for me, I melt inside.
Because I love being served, I have to also learn how to love serving others. So not easy, sometimes it is, other times it's really not. And not just serving them, but caring for their needs above your own. Not to the weird, creepy level. The loving and gentleness level.
I have to learn this, backwards and forwards, over and over. It's so important.
I didn't mean to end on such a serious note, or maybe I did and just didn't realize how deeply this sits within my heart.
And that's all I got today.
Love=Servanthood.
It has many other looks, colors, feels and meanings.
But the best, and the most geniune is servanthood.
May 4, 2010
an older post...
I wrote this the summer I was 18, graduated from highschool, experiencing some seriuos heartache, it so beautiful though to me and is still a reflection of who I am. I thought I would share it with you guys. Enjoy :]
~~~
i.me.she.girl.human.passionate.romantic.loved.bethanysharon.
i am the kind of girl who will dance in the rain or at least spin.
i am the kind of girl who will run around in her room to make sure her sweat clothes match.
i am the kind of girl who will stick with eletronics for the day because it's easy and i can talk to a lot of people + listen to music at the same time[ohh and write blogs]
i am the kind of girl who will close her eyes and worship and forget about everyone else.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't care about what other people think but will ask questions anyways because i still want to know.
i am the kind of girl who runs around in a circle until she figures things out.
i am the kind of girl who eats their words.
i am the kind of girl who would rather have an ice cream date then a fancy one.
i am the kind of girl who loves to be around people i don't have to change for.
i am the kind of the girl who likes getting purposely lost just to spend time and goof off.
i am the kind of girl who loves to drive with the windows down.
i am the kind of girl who can be ready fast but who likes to take her time.
i am the kind of girl who loovvvess chocolate but knows it doesn't make everything better.
i am the kind of girl who likes kisses on the forehead & hands.
i am the kind of girl who wears flip-flops from march-november.
i am the kind of girl who'd rather dance with a scarf then nothing at all.
i am the kind of girl who enjoys beauty, but the natrual kind.
i am the kind of girl who is a girly girl and is not afriad of it.
i am the kind of girl who will cheer for you not play in the game with you.
i am the kind of girl who makes mistakes and pulls back up again, trying harder.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't always think first.
i am the kind of girl who protects those she loves.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't hold many things back.
i am the kind of girl who can get annoying if you spend to much time with me.
i am the kind of girl who wants more than an average life, but who wants to have a simple one.
i am the kind of girl who will sing, but not on the spot generally.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't try to hard.
i am the kind of girl who will cry when it hurts.
i am the kind of girl who will listen to you when it matters.
i am the kind of girl who gets bored and writes long things because she feels contemplative.
lol
and yes i am the kind of girl who writes like crazy.
i am that kind of girl.
i want lots of things. but only get few. i thank God everytime i wake up another morning. i love the sunshine always but know the rain has to come. i hold those close to me hoping they stay around. i try hard, but fail. get puffed up and fall flat on my face. yeahhh that's me. i am a princess in my Daddy's eyes. earthly and heavenly. and thats enough for now.
i am loved...
~~~
i.me.she.girl.human.passionate.romantic.loved.bethanysharon.
i am the kind of girl who will dance in the rain or at least spin.
i am the kind of girl who will run around in her room to make sure her sweat clothes match.
i am the kind of girl who will stick with eletronics for the day because it's easy and i can talk to a lot of people + listen to music at the same time[ohh and write blogs]
i am the kind of girl who will close her eyes and worship and forget about everyone else.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't care about what other people think but will ask questions anyways because i still want to know.
i am the kind of girl who runs around in a circle until she figures things out.
i am the kind of girl who eats their words.
i am the kind of girl who would rather have an ice cream date then a fancy one.
i am the kind of girl who loves to be around people i don't have to change for.
i am the kind of the girl who likes getting purposely lost just to spend time and goof off.
i am the kind of girl who loves to drive with the windows down.
i am the kind of girl who can be ready fast but who likes to take her time.
i am the kind of girl who loovvvess chocolate but knows it doesn't make everything better.
i am the kind of girl who likes kisses on the forehead & hands.
i am the kind of girl who wears flip-flops from march-november.
i am the kind of girl who'd rather dance with a scarf then nothing at all.
i am the kind of girl who enjoys beauty, but the natrual kind.
i am the kind of girl who is a girly girl and is not afriad of it.
i am the kind of girl who will cheer for you not play in the game with you.
i am the kind of girl who makes mistakes and pulls back up again, trying harder.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't always think first.
i am the kind of girl who protects those she loves.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't hold many things back.
i am the kind of girl who can get annoying if you spend to much time with me.
i am the kind of girl who wants more than an average life, but who wants to have a simple one.
i am the kind of girl who will sing, but not on the spot generally.
i am the kind of girl who doesn't try to hard.
i am the kind of girl who will cry when it hurts.
i am the kind of girl who will listen to you when it matters.
i am the kind of girl who gets bored and writes long things because she feels contemplative.
lol
and yes i am the kind of girl who writes like crazy.
i am that kind of girl.
i want lots of things. but only get few. i thank God everytime i wake up another morning. i love the sunshine always but know the rain has to come. i hold those close to me hoping they stay around. i try hard, but fail. get puffed up and fall flat on my face. yeahhh that's me. i am a princess in my Daddy's eyes. earthly and heavenly. and thats enough for now.
i am loved...
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