There's a bunch of fifteen-year-old girls (roughly) down in the day care at the moment throwing a party, "just for fun", for the girls in our neighborhood.
They came over about an hour before they were throwing it, setting up streamers in all girly colors hanging every which way - even from the fan - nail polish of all different colors are lined up on top of the book shelves. All of their own intiative.
Oh how wonderful it is to be fifteen.
I remember the things that mattered to me at fifteen. Spending time with my friends, playing volleyball, seeing all the latest chick flicks (with my besties or my Dad lol), making sure I had a "summer color" nail polish and time in the sun. I worried about spending enough time with God at night, balanced with phone conversations. I made a second go-around of my "list" of the guy I wanted to date, but seemed to spend way more with the ones who were actually my friends (even though I talked the most about the ones I liked). I wrote songs and sang all the time. I didn't think much about the future, not because I didn't care, it just didn't matter.
I didn't have a job, I didn't have lame college professors. None of my close friends had any boyfriends, let a lone were getting married.
Seeing these girls today just gave me, a glimmer of hope, somehow? Maybe even if a backwards way.
Recently, I've been having a hard time finding joy. Joy is one of those words I feel is touchy. I do believe that God is the true giver of joy, nothing satisfies like Him. But even so in serving or worshipping Him - my heart hasn't been leaping. Not to mention the dark cloud that seems to hover over parts of my life, not letting in the sun. That's difficult. And sad. Not happy.
Over this summer I've been learning a lot, but it hasn't been very rewarding. I'm just learning. I haven't seen the flower yet from the growth.
So everything seems to be somewhat difficult.
Seeing these girls today, as I said, gives me reason to believe that God desires to bless my life. These girls are so joyfully pursuing what God has put on their heart, blessing the little girls. They have the time to plan fun things, as often times, when you get older, you loose time to be able to do that.
But God.
He has more up His sleeve. Some way, I have to believe that. That someday again I feel will feel joy.
I am not fifteen any longer, I have worries and cares and deadlines and clock in times, but, someday life won't look like this.
I will choose to trust in what is yet to come.
Even if that's only until heaven one day, it will be my reward.
Thank you Alayna, Abbey, Martha, Heather and Anna for reminding me that life is beautiful and Jesus is a lover. Love you all.
July 21, 2010
July 14, 2010
summer recollections.
How to begin this blog. I feel like writing has become a pastime. I rarely even write in my own personal journal (which is very strange). It's been over a month since I sat down and gathered my thoughts in a way where other people could read and understand them.
But here I go.
It's been a trying summer. There's been so much going on, half the things I've chosen to do,the other half that is kind of expected of me. It's my responsibility, I need to be present, etc. Don't get me wrong, it really hasn't been bad, just different. It's been a balance between realizing I can't experiance freedom in my physical life and understanding that freedom comes from the spiritual element of my life - namely Jesus.
To illustrate this thought, I will begin the summer in paragraph form.
The first event of the summer was the Cleveland House of Prayer's Summer Teen Intensive (FYI intensive is not a word, we are aware). It ran Sunday-Saturday and I was able participate in leading, but I also got so much out of it. I built a stronger relationship with the girls mainly during the week, but also the guys. It was a such a joy for me to be able to see each of them walk into an arena, big or small,that they have never been apart of/done before. I felt very priviledged.
During the week, the word that God kept pressing on my heart was stamina. There were two days inparticular he just reminded me that he had given me the stamina, grace and ability to continue through the day, without breaking down or getting overtly frusterated. Taking rest in that was probably the most rewarding part of the week for me. I would definitely do it again, and or something like it anywhere else.
In between STI and Kingslove there was a week that I had off (not from work) and I spent a lot of time with my siblings, as it turned out. Spent a wonderful beach day with my sisters, enjoyed ice cream and driving home in a huge storm then finding out block busters was closing and would sell us cheap movies that we went home and watched. On Friday I packed up Ben, Anna & Grace and we went to the AlIVE Music Festival all day. We got to hear this really awesome band called Tim Be Told in one of the smaller tents, got really muddy, ate waffles off the grill with Adam, Luke & Josh (who were also at ALIVE camping out), sang loudly to David Crowder and left before Skillet blew themselves up on stage (due to all their flames). It was a really fun day, they really enjoyed it. Saturday I went to my class in the morning and we ended at 10 in the morning; I called Dan complaining that we could've gone to ALIVE that morning instead... by 11:30 we were heading out the door to ALIVE once again. We ended up parking like a million miles away, but it was totally worth it.
We got to see Needtobreathe:) favvvooorrriite. And Chris Tomlin & TobyMac :) It was a greeeeeaaaat night!!! So hot, but amazing. The thing that struck me the hardest was that when we were doing worship with Chris Tomlin, there was very few people really engaging during and staying engaged in between songs. I just saw such a clear picture of what the church looks like right now, and it saddened my heart. We were made to worship, Jesus, no one else.
Coming off of that, I had three days of work in a row, then rolled Kingslove.
Kingslove was a wonderful week, I have no complaints. Still, it was a learning process, always a balancing act of switching who's in charge periodically. I think it's so good for the people of God to change roles from time to time. Being in charge takes away from the hands on stuff usually. Which is very difficult for me.
I had a dance group this year, we had beautiful scarves and we danced to "Not to Us" by Chris Tomlin. It amazed me how quickly they learned it, and it was such a blessing to my little heart when they did it at the end.
I can't complain when I'm surrounded by passionate, beautiful, wonderful people. Seeing God move on their hearts in different ways, experiancing Him moving on mine.
I guess there will be another updating blog shortly, but right now, it's time to keep moving.
God is good, He is faithful and perserve my life.
But here I go.
It's been a trying summer. There's been so much going on, half the things I've chosen to do,the other half that is kind of expected of me. It's my responsibility, I need to be present, etc. Don't get me wrong, it really hasn't been bad, just different. It's been a balance between realizing I can't experiance freedom in my physical life and understanding that freedom comes from the spiritual element of my life - namely Jesus.
To illustrate this thought, I will begin the summer in paragraph form.
The first event of the summer was the Cleveland House of Prayer's Summer Teen Intensive (FYI intensive is not a word, we are aware). It ran Sunday-Saturday and I was able participate in leading, but I also got so much out of it. I built a stronger relationship with the girls mainly during the week, but also the guys. It was a such a joy for me to be able to see each of them walk into an arena, big or small,that they have never been apart of/done before. I felt very priviledged.
During the week, the word that God kept pressing on my heart was stamina. There were two days inparticular he just reminded me that he had given me the stamina, grace and ability to continue through the day, without breaking down or getting overtly frusterated. Taking rest in that was probably the most rewarding part of the week for me. I would definitely do it again, and or something like it anywhere else.
In between STI and Kingslove there was a week that I had off (not from work) and I spent a lot of time with my siblings, as it turned out. Spent a wonderful beach day with my sisters, enjoyed ice cream and driving home in a huge storm then finding out block busters was closing and would sell us cheap movies that we went home and watched. On Friday I packed up Ben, Anna & Grace and we went to the AlIVE Music Festival all day. We got to hear this really awesome band called Tim Be Told in one of the smaller tents, got really muddy, ate waffles off the grill with Adam, Luke & Josh (who were also at ALIVE camping out), sang loudly to David Crowder and left before Skillet blew themselves up on stage (due to all their flames). It was a really fun day, they really enjoyed it. Saturday I went to my class in the morning and we ended at 10 in the morning; I called Dan complaining that we could've gone to ALIVE that morning instead... by 11:30 we were heading out the door to ALIVE once again. We ended up parking like a million miles away, but it was totally worth it.
We got to see Needtobreathe:) favvvooorrriite. And Chris Tomlin & TobyMac :) It was a greeeeeaaaat night!!! So hot, but amazing. The thing that struck me the hardest was that when we were doing worship with Chris Tomlin, there was very few people really engaging during and staying engaged in between songs. I just saw such a clear picture of what the church looks like right now, and it saddened my heart. We were made to worship, Jesus, no one else.
Coming off of that, I had three days of work in a row, then rolled Kingslove.
Kingslove was a wonderful week, I have no complaints. Still, it was a learning process, always a balancing act of switching who's in charge periodically. I think it's so good for the people of God to change roles from time to time. Being in charge takes away from the hands on stuff usually. Which is very difficult for me.
I had a dance group this year, we had beautiful scarves and we danced to "Not to Us" by Chris Tomlin. It amazed me how quickly they learned it, and it was such a blessing to my little heart when they did it at the end.
I can't complain when I'm surrounded by passionate, beautiful, wonderful people. Seeing God move on their hearts in different ways, experiancing Him moving on mine.
I guess there will be another updating blog shortly, but right now, it's time to keep moving.
God is good, He is faithful and perserve my life.
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