fifteen is a wonderful age.

There's a bunch of fifteen-year-old girls (roughly) down in the day care at the moment throwing a party, "just for fun", for the girls in our neighborhood.
They came over about an hour before they were throwing it, setting up streamers in all girly colors hanging every which way - even from the fan - nail polish of all different colors are lined up on top of the book shelves. All of their own intiative.

Oh how wonderful it is to be fifteen.

I remember the things that mattered to me at fifteen. Spending time with my friends, playing volleyball, seeing all the latest chick flicks (with my besties or my Dad lol), making sure I had a "summer color" nail polish and time in the sun. I worried about spending enough time with God at night, balanced with phone conversations. I made a second go-around of my "list" of the guy I wanted to date, but seemed to spend way more with the ones who were actually my friends (even though I talked the most about the ones I liked). I wrote songs and sang all the time. I didn't think much about the future, not because I didn't care, it just didn't matter.
I didn't have a job, I didn't have lame college professors. None of my close friends had any boyfriends, let a lone were getting married.

Seeing these girls today just gave me, a glimmer of hope, somehow? Maybe even if a backwards way.
Recently, I've been having a hard time finding joy. Joy is one of those words I feel is touchy. I do believe that God is the true giver of joy, nothing satisfies like Him. But even so in serving or worshipping Him - my heart hasn't been leaping. Not to mention the dark cloud that seems to hover over parts of my life, not letting in the sun. That's difficult. And sad. Not happy.
Over this summer I've been learning a lot, but it hasn't been very rewarding. I'm just learning. I haven't seen the flower yet from the growth.

So everything seems to be somewhat difficult.

Seeing these girls today, as I said, gives me reason to believe that God desires to bless my life. These girls are so joyfully pursuing what God has put on their heart, blessing the little girls. They have the time to plan fun things, as often times, when you get older, you loose time to be able to do that.
But God.
He has more up His sleeve. Some way, I have to believe that. That someday again I feel will feel joy.
I am not fifteen any longer, I have worries and cares and deadlines and clock in times, but, someday life won't look like this.
I will choose to trust in what is yet to come.
Even if that's only until heaven one day, it will be my reward.

Thank you Alayna, Abbey, Martha, Heather and Anna for reminding me that life is beautiful and Jesus is a lover. Love you all.