oh this life.

Can you believe it, the year is already over. And on to another...phew. I feel like the older I get, the faster it goes. I hate that lol.
However, 2010 was a crazy, learning, shaping, stretching, constantly being over-tired....year. Very thankful it's over, very thankful it came.

On re-capping this year, I definitely, to sum it up in a few words, learned how to act in different roles this year. I think that's what really stood out to me, and honestly I think I have only just realized this within the last couple weeks.
I learned a lot about not being jealous about what other people have. It's very hard, it's like a constant putting yourself in check thing. Very early on this year, I would be talking to God and be like "why can't I have that? That was in my heart too". It's so funny how we tell God specifically what we want, and He already knows lol. I have learned, and still am learning, that God has specifics for me. Like he designed my life just for me, not anyone else. And that is the life I want to and need to desire for myself.
Learning about the balance of school was definitely the hardest part, after failing my second semester, I definitely know that I want to approach it differently next time. I will say though there were some very victorious moments related to school over this year. Some tests that I just thought were not possible to pass this year, were passed. Resting in Jesus' arms, I am secure that these next 4-5 months are to be focused on something else other than the rampage of school.
I got to be the "big kid" a lot this year, either taking my siblings somewhere or being a Teen Intensive Leader and C-HOP, just being able to look above my needs and pay attention to others. Again, that balance of letting people still take care of me was interesting. Just learning, a lot of learning. It wasn't all hard either, I have learned that I love watching people grow and learn in their own development, seeing and hearing what God is doing in their heart. It's such a blessing.
I planned a wedding this year, or helped plan one. That was definitely new, and scary sometimes. It makes you look real life full in the face. I really appreciated it because it opened my eyes to a lot things about marriage and family I didn't really understand up to this point. That it really isn't a fantasy, it's real life. I learned that those elements of real life need God as much as every other part. You need a lot more than love to make the world go around.
Something I was reading in my journal that really blessed me about this year was, in the last month of summer a group of teenagers from Illinois, some of which I met going on 3 years ago when I spent a month out there, came and did a week of outreach with my family and our ministry. I got to see, right before my eyes, fruit from time and work that I had helped install into these kids 2 plus years ago. I felt God so clearly tell me the first night they were with us, that nothing I had prayed for those kids had ever been prayed in vain. That He had heard everything I said. It was an amazing encouragement.
I think, as I do every year, I'm learning more and more about love. Not just romance, but not excluding it either. Something I have known for a long time is that love is not an emotion. I know that people in my life can still have a hard time with me and still love me. That's a good thing. It's important to find people that you love that way and love you back that way. It's a tall order, and I thank God for those people in my life. Never have been more thankful for those people.
I feel very privileged that I have found a man who can love me like that. For best friends who love me like that. These people love Jesus and desire to love the way He loves. It's crazy and it blows my socks off.
I get very reminiscent this time of year, so I could probably continue for a while, but I'm not going to.
Main points: learning about different roles, fighting jealously with having faith God knows what's best for me, balancing school, being a big kid, planning a marriage not just a wedding, God confirming prayers that have long ago been focused on, learning about real love.
God is so good, I'm excited for what He has next and I wait in anticipation to see what He will do.
Happy New Year!! :]