what I was made for.

Phew.
Just finished putting my past two weeks of school power points onto notecards. I could've just printed them out, but...I don't learn that way.

It's interesting, being in school. Nusing school. The school I've been waiting to get into for at least 1 1/2 years if not more. It's been so tedious. Even today I had to fax something else in for my file related to my health assesment. oooohh nursing term. Already wearing off.

As much as I enjoy being school and I've been telling people that it's not as overwhelming because I have been anticipating giving this much of my life away for a while; I have to now deal with people...my teachers and my fellow students. There are 19 people total in my class, and for lab and clinicals we are broken down into even smaller groups! It's a very communicating, teaching, learning, understanding environment that cracks the whip on one hand and cradles you in the next.
It's much more conversational than I'm used to.
Plus I'm not an early morning person, so when I come in to get lectured to, I want to take notes, listen, and go home.
I've taken a nap nearly every day in the past two weeks that I haven't had to work.

It's just a lot of learning, but more so on a level of social understanding, at least for me.

By the time it gets to Friday, I want to sign a certificate that says I made it through another week of school. I have my first test next week, which should be interesting. I have a mountain of cards, and a few more to still make.
But God is good.

I've been asking Him to help keep me humble, teachable and give me more grace. Always more grace, I seem to lack it on a epic level. Grace and tact. God loves to test it though. And I trust Him with that. Because He IS good.

Point and fact of this blog:

Tonight, I was sitting doing my notecards and listening to Adventures in Odyssey [because some stuff is still good]. Ever since school has started, my teachers have all been challenging us about what kind of nurses we want to be. I've never really known for sure. I love kids, but the thought of working with them in a hospital setting...kills me.
With everything going on in Haiti the past week, there has been a little kick inside of me, prayers that I mumble in the car after I hear new reports, driving to school [so so early in the morning], and a burst of sunshine that springs up inside of me whenever they pull another person out of the disheveled land. I would love to do that kind of stuff.
It's been a recent thing for me, to be thinking about other countries and how I wouldn't mind living somewhere else. I guess I've just realized this place is not my home.
Another thing that stuck me tonight, listening to an Adventure about a woman who has some kind of a memory disorder. I sat and cried my eyes out [while still making note cards]. There's something so special to me about when people can't remember things, and then God does a momentary miracle and restores something to them, just to bring them joy.
Working on my floor at the hospital there are many confused patients, you get this grace that comes over you when working with them. Last time I worked, one of my patients was rough and hard to deal with, but, I was talking to her and trying to get her to trust me. My nurse told me, in a joking way, that I was full of s***. lol. It's so funny though, because I don't mind sweet-talking or trying to convince the person to trust me [I'm learning about it in class too].

I'm not sure how all of these things connect; but making the connection that they all mean something to me, stirs something inside of me ...a boiling pot of noodles inside of me or something... lol. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I thank Him for His heart, and I want more of it.
I'm amazed by Him, and how He loves me.

favorite pictures from the past month :]

winter formal 2010










new years at Kelly's


scrapbooking :]

winter kingslove 2009

sarah's christmas party

psh this is Cleveland...snow is normal.

It's so amusing to me, that the weather reports right now are like "okay so we're gonna get be getting a lot of snow, very unusual" ...uhuh...this is Cleveland, we always get ridiculous amounts of snow. Get reallll.
Last night I was driving home from work and I kicked my car into neutral like ten times...just to not go sliding all over the world. Now, if I could master brushing off my car without covering myself in snow... that would be winner.
Speaking of my car...my Dad decided that it would be better not keep 4 vehicles running over the winter...and my little car was the one who got the boot :[ so it's currently parked away until spring and I am driving the van.

Winter Formal is tonight. I do feel a little silly, and will end up feeling very old going tonight, but some of my favorite senior girls have asked me to go [and since it is their last winter formal...]. They grow up so fast.
Ben and Anna are going tonight, they have been buying dressy clothes, Anna's been talking about her hair and nails and Ben's been sending me pictures of clothes he's thinking about buying. Such fun. I love being the big sister, there's a handful of times where that pays off.

School starts this coming week, on Thursday for me. Nursing School. Literally, I feel like I've been waiting for this moment for over a year...just for something to go the right way! School is still hard though, and not fun at all.
Lol, I hope my friends won't abandon me because I won't be the most social person. Which is a switch.

It's been hard to get up today...it's sooo cold. But I have things to do...a camera to buy, patches for my uniform...gah, theeen formal prep with my family.

Little life, winter blurb.
Adios :]

ushering in 2010.

So...it's twenty-ten or two thousand and ten...I like saying the second one better than the first. There's an argument there.
I can't believe it's a new year, but I am so thankful. My 2009 finished so much better than I expected, simply because I assumed my year would never get better - But God is good.
Being on Christmas break, having Winter Kingslove, passing my NET test, finally, AND getting into Nursing School made for a HECK of a Winter Break. Before I knew it, New Year's Eve was upon us.

As always, I get reflective at the end of the year. I think most people do, but I tend to write a lot in my journal, browse through my pictures on facebook and ask people about their favorite moments of that year. Emily and I had a lot of fun on New Year's Eve [in our many adventures of driving around] talking about our favorite moments of 2009. The best part of them had a lot to do with how Jesus has just shown up in our lives and proved to us over and over again that He is faithful, and He has something special for both of our lives.

I don't think I've ever been challenged before more in my life then over the course of 2009. During this past year, I started a new job, took two very hard classes, dropped one of them, began to get involved with C-HOP and learned about my place, planned a summer outreach, tried to find my self-worth in people, worked through a lot of relational stuff with certain people I am close with, learned to divide my time between the people I love, started a&p againnnn, became a member of a church for the first time ever, took my nursing enterance test 3 times, worked through issues at work...learned about being an adult............. and the list goes on. Above is in a nutshell. It makes me tired just thinking about it all.

I guess life continues to get complicated as you get older. Everyone says that, but I don't think you really understand until you see it before your very eyes. I definitely did not.

Rabbit trail: I recently realized that very cliche things to say are actually true...they are just abused lol.

I am amazed that God knows my needs. I'm pretty sure I say that all the time, but it baffles me time and time again that He does. And then beyond that, He knows other people's needs. The best thing to pray for people is that they would be encouraged by what God is doing in their life.

I know that I am provided for anytime I hang out with someone who is close to me. Everytime I stand up and sing at C-HOP. Anytime anyone prays something specific over me. Everytime some situation at work pans out. Anytime I hear younger kids around me step up to the plate and become the people God has just begun to call them to be.

Even when the situations don't always go exactly the way you wanted them to...you can still find something that proves that God has been faithful.

And that is my testimony of 2009. I hope that is my testimony of every year.
But there was something in particular about this year that just proved His faithfulness. Something about sitting on my kitchen floor in February, crying my eyes out, begging God to be real to me, to change me. Something about laying on the beach in the summer and asking God how He wanted me to handle the current situation I was in. Something about trusting Him through circumstances that could have wrecked up my whole "plan".
The pressing through, pushing on. This is my walk with Jesus.
It gives me chills thinking about it.
...or it could be that it's FREEZING today.
Reguardless.
I am encouraged, even when I feel discouraged. I have no idea what this year will bring [except for a lot of school], but God has placed so many awesome people and opportunities in my life in the midst of all the choas, and I know He has a plan.

YAYYYY new year!!!
byes :]

captured favorites.

being thankful.

as promised, my thankful blog.

mmm. right now, I feel incredibly thankful. this thanksgiving, I worked, with two great nurses, and seven patients. It felt like a weekend day, which is always wonderful. the people we're really nice; good day at work. :] can't help but be thankful.
which leads to [obviously], what I'm really really thankful for. when I think thankful, I think blessed, priveledged -- where grace was poured and I didn't deserve it, and even more so, that I realized grace was being given to me. even though the true definition of thankful is more like appreciative -- this is how it makes me feel.

the number one thing that I am thankful for is the life I have been allowed to lead. that God has given to me, and as I seek Him, I see more things clearer.

I am thankful for every part of this year, even though there was so much life, so many things I never thought would subside, things that made me swing from one end to the other.

I am thankful for all the difficulty I had with school this year, it's made me stronger and a better student.

I am thankful for all the challenges of the summer, how I really owned what I was made for.

I am thankful for the people at work who are awesome to work with, who are good at their job. they truely challenge me and because of that, I'm better at my job.

speaking of work, I am very thankful for aveeno lotion and burt's bees lip balm. without them I was have the dryest feet, hands and lips.

I am thankful for my freedom, for the troops that keep us free, and the Sovereign God who has us all in His plan.

I am utterly thankful for the family I have come to know through C-HOP...never have I felt like I am family with entire group of people, all different walks of life. it's so encouraging.

I am thankful for my family, I wouldn't choose any other family to live with or be apart of.

I am thankful for my true friends. the one's who tell it to me straight, who love me reguardless, and who challenge me.

I am thankful for the Vineyard church, who has begun to except me, truely is a great feeling.

I am thankful for space heaters and blankets.

I am thankful for breaks that college kids come home on, I am so excited to see some of my favorite people who have been gone for a couple months now, this weekend!!

:]

currently, me.

hello. :]
so I plan on writing a blog later on in the week, simply because I've been planning on writing a blog about the things I'm thankful for [because Thanksgiving and everything, I know cliche, oh well]. but I really wanted to write an informative blog...I've done to many on facebook haha, so I'm gonna do one on here.
ahem. 25 things on my heart/about me/thoughts.

1. I am falling in love with Jesus. better and more so than ever, ever, ever, ever before. I've always loved Jesus, I can't remember not loving Him. But there's this overwhelming love that has been washing over me, coming from Him and I can't really go anywhere without it somehow leaking into my conversations. I used to get irritated with when people would talk aboutJesus all the time, it felt corney whenever I would do it...but I've been really asking God to break that in me. Because the more I reflect Him, the more blessed I feel, the more change happens... the more healing comes in. phew. it's incredible.

2. I am really silly. As I've become more comfortable with who I am [who God's made me to be] I have become ridiculously more ridiculous. And more blonde apparently? I was talking to my brother on the phone, searching desperately around in my car for my phone...mmm. hehe, apparently, it's more fun this way though...

3. Being Jesus with people is way more fun...than not being.

4. I am studying a lot to hopefully start nursing school in January.

5. Taking a month off of facebook was one of the best things I have ever done.

6. My best friend, Nicole is now engaged. It's crazy. When did I become old enough to know what to do with this? But, it's exciting, although it has me thinking a lot on romance, relationships, etc.

7. uhmmm relationships. geez. They're so messy sometimes, but it's a huge risky, scary, exciting, fun, mess of emotions. Lots of give and take, testing things out. I guess where I'm coming from right now is simply this; I am done with the game. Longing all the time for some guy to give you attention instead of waiting for the right one...is the wrong way to go about life. And yes, it's taken this long for me to get this... I think I've caught glimpses of it from time to time in my life, but just recently...I've really owned it.

8. Speaking of guys, I have to watch which ones I trust my heart to. Not just in a romantic way, just in the way of giving my time and my care to? Yeah, that's what I mean. I love the guy friends I have, all their different temperments and opinions and personalities. I love it, it teaches me about all different kinds of people and how I interact them. But I am not to be used...and I need to use discernment to who I give myself, time and energy to. Not giving to much away to just any guy, saving it for my husband; the man who is going to win my heart.

9. Like I said, a lot on relationships.

10. I'm not ready for one yet...lol...Jesus is still healing me and romancing me to Him right now, and it's such a wonderful experiance.

11. I have been learning a lot about learning about how to be a woman that a man would want to lead. I think a lot of it has to do with me yeilding my heart to Jesus... becoming dependent on Him, that way my anxious thoughts and my movements of "trying to make things happen", in a sense, taking control of the situation, are put aside...therefore not pursuing...opening a door for a guy to do it.

12. ANYWAYSSSS.
Christmas is coming, and I'm freaking out about all the decorations...when Thanksgiving hasn't even come yet. geez.

13. I love having sleepovers, Sarah's been the one who's come over my house a couple nights after IHOP on Saturdays. It's fun, it reminds me of being little...and I like things that make me feel that way.

14. I love movie days. By myself. With other people. With running commentaries. With good music in it. On sofas.

15. I have a lot of pink things...I try to not buy so many pink things...and somehow I still end up having them. lol...bit of a hopeless cause.

16. I love families that are made up of other families...it's probably one of the best feelings in the entire world.

17. I have some of the best people in my life. I say that all the time, but right now, I am blown away by it. Often times I just sit back and take it in. I ask God all the time, how did I get this blessed?

18. Pretty much the only music I love LOVE listening to right now is worship and country. Pretty much says exactly how I am feeling about life right now.

19. I am excited for Winter Kingslove, go figure, haven't been a fan until this year. I'm excited to see God use and choose new people who are stepping up to the plate.

20. Being twenty was/is really difficult, I don't remember learning so much about me, life, etc. until this year...I have been asking for it, so...that explains it...but, still. I am happy that the year is almost over, I will beginning a new phase of life hopefully and also that I am ending the year with a great resolve.

21. I am already really excited about my birthday!!! :] and no, it's not because I will be drinking age, I get excited about birthdays all the time. I am plotting pretty seriously about what I want to do for it...got some ideas.

22. Pandora = Love. I have recently listening to nothing else while I am home. I know it's been around for a while, but...I've never listened to it until recently. I have definitely fallen in love with all of these different songs. I love love love it.

23. I can't wait for winter break, for everyone to be home...there something so awesome and normal about it. Life gets less and less familiar all the time.

24. I text a lot.

25. I love saying "I love you" to people. :]


the end.