I am amazed at the faithfulness of God and how it’s in the small things He blesses my life. I can testify daily that God makes away for the desires of my heart, and He knows my needs before I know them myself. These past months have been difficult for me to pin point how and why God was teaching me the way that He was –usually when you’re walking through a season you don’t understand the purpose – and now here I am near the end of a brief yet precious season and I see fully what God was trying to reinvest in my heart.
Throughout my life after the age of probably 14 or so I have been a part of leading kids younger than myself, informally usually and with my parents’ ministry every summer and was actively a part of a number of things all the way up until summer 2010, and then school kicked into a whole new gear and I started dating my now husband, leadership inadvertently took the back seat. In anticipation of school being over, starting last summer, I began to ask God what He wanted me to focus on in this new season I was stepping into and I knew for sure it would have something to do with music – another part of my life that has been on the back burner for the past 2 years specifically – hoping that I would have some kind of leadership role and music would once again take its place. There are several songs that have been written but never fully played out. I find myself frustrated with my music or even my voice because nothing is as good as it was when I would be practicing everyday…it makes sense really. I’m sure many reading this can understand where I’m coming from.
Anyways…all that to say, those were the two things specifically I was asking God to show me how these dreams and desires of my heart would take a place in present day, Bethany Sharon Warner.
Welcome 2013. We began a Daniel Fast with our church. I have only successfully finished a fast if I have specific things I’m praying and asking God for. I firmly believe that if you don’t have anything specific you’re asking God for or you don’t have time focus on God more than your regular allotted time, you shouldn’t be fasting because then it just turns into starving yourself (this is what happens when I don’t blog for 2 months, I have wayyyy to many thoughts). During the fast, I was asking God for opportunities to walk in the things I desire and am dreaming for - AKA – leading something and getting more involved with music.
Two things related to my prayers popped up. One was helping my Mom by subbing in for her class she has taught at Hearts for Jesus Christ since I was a sophomore there, Mission’s In Action (MIA) and the second was trying out for a position on our church’s worship team. I was excited for my Mom’s class and rather hesitant on the other, but not willing to let the opportunity pass by.
I had been reading, and still am reading the book “Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman” – by Anne Ortlund – and essentially what I knew God was teaching me through that was about the word discipline. I hate that word, I’ve always hated that word. I would much rather deal with the words: challenge, change, train, etc. – anything BUT discipline. However… God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 13:24), therefore I have always felt as if I need to learn to love this word. I have picked up this book several times and always started reading it, and actually liked what this woman had to say, a lot. As I began to pray into this discipline idea – I complied it along with how fasting and discipline go hand in hand…and further that for any excellence to come in our lives, discipline must play a part. I related that immediately to working out and eating right, something I have previously devoted a lot of time too, but just got lazy. I have been implementing the word discipline back into my life, in more ways than one. The result of discipline is one of positive, whereas that word usually has negative connotation attached to it, for me now it means my focus will be different and my end desire will look different. As many aspects of my life have been entirely disciplined (i.e. nursing school) other parts have not, music for sure, among other things. When the worship team slot didn’t work out, I prayed almost initially that God would open my eyes to the reason why. Almost immediately God showed me that He wanted me to himself in this season of me rediscovering my music love, how exciting! Actually am really excited about it. My awesome husband bought me a very nice keyboard for my birthday and it’s sitting in our kitchen and I try to on a daily basis pound through my frustration over lack of present talent or strength of my voice and just simply worship Him. There is so much freedom in that and not having the pressure of performing at all, yet practicing and blocking out specific time is disciplining my life and preparing me for a season that I know God has for me.
Wow, I really should blog more often.
Maybe re-reading the first paragraph will help refocus of what I was talking about.
As I am writing the last part of this, I am sitting at a hallway at Hearts for Jesus Christ, the homeschooling group I graduated from and have currently taught at for the past 6 weeks. Because of my orientation for NURSING (!!!!) begins on the 25th and Lord-willing I will pass boards, I will not be able to finish out the school year teaching. It is with sadness and yet joy in my heart I let this brief phase go with high hopes of what next school year will bring for me. This was an answered prayer, and I had no idea how awesome it would be. I simply believed I would be rusty and not know what to say to these kids and that I would at the very least haphazardly lead them through the end of the school year. However God met me every step of the way and spoke to me about and through these young amazing people. My heart has been awakened to previous desires and I am incredibly pumped to have time for dreams once again.
In conclusion, I want God to be continually demonstrated in my life, actions, thoughts and time…and by His grace He will help me through that. I am excited to be alive again and feel passion and calling after many seasons of putting my head down and keep on keeping on.
Please pray for me as I am preparing to take my nursing test at the end of this month, I’m nervous and excited and trusting God that He knows my plans far beyond the present here and now, orchestrating everything around me to bring Him glory.
Promising more blogs (lol) - Bethany
March 15, 2013
present day me
I am amazed at the faithfulness of God and how it’s in the small things He blesses my life. I can testify daily that God makes away for the desires of my heart, and He knows my needs before I know them myself. These past months have been difficult for me to pin point how and why God was teaching me the way that He was –usually when you’re walking through a season you don’t understand the purpose – and now here I am near the end of a brief yet precious season and I see fully what God was trying to reinvest in my heart.
Throughout my life after the age of probably 14 or so I have been a part of leading kids younger than myself, informally usually and with my parents’ ministry every summer and was actively a part of a number of things all the way up until summer 2010, and then school kicked into a whole new gear and I started dating my now husband, leadership inadvertently took the back seat. In anticipation of school being over, starting last summer, I began to ask God what He wanted me to focus on in this new season I was stepping into and I knew for sure it would have something to do with music – another part of my life that has been on the back burner for the past 2 years specifically – hoping that I would have some kind of leadership role and music would once again take its place. There are several songs that have been written but never fully played out. I find myself frustrated with my music or even my voice because nothing is as good as it was when I would be practicing everyday…it makes sense really. I’m sure many reading this can understand where I’m coming from.
Anyways…all that to say, those were the two things specifically I was asking God to show me how these dreams and desires of my heart would take a place in present day, Bethany Sharon Warner.
Welcome 2013. We began a Daniel Fast with our church. I have only successfully finished a fast if I have specific things I’m praying and asking God for. I firmly believe that if you don’t have anything specific you’re asking God for or you don’t have time focus on God more than your regular allotted time, you shouldn’t be fasting because then it just turns into starving yourself (this is what happens when I don’t blog for 2 months, I have wayyyy to many thoughts). During the fast, I was asking God for opportunities to walk in the things I desire and am dreaming for - AKA – leading something and getting more involved with music.
Two things related to my prayers popped up. One was helping my Mom by subbing in for her class she has taught at Hearts for Jesus Christ since I was a sophomore there, Mission’s In Action (MIA) and the second was trying out for a position on our church’s worship team. I was excited for my Mom’s class and rather hesitant on the other, but not willing to let the opportunity pass by.
I had been reading, and still am reading the book “Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman” – by Anne Ortlund – and essentially what I knew God was teaching me through that was about the word discipline. I hate that word, I’ve always hated that word. I would much rather deal with the words: challenge, change, train, etc. – anything BUT discipline. However… God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 13:24), therefore I have always felt as if I need to learn to love this word. I have picked up this book several times and always started reading it, and actually liked what this woman had to say, a lot. As I began to pray into this discipline idea – I complied it along with how fasting and discipline go hand in hand…and further that for any excellence to come in our lives, discipline must play a part. I related that immediately to working out and eating right, something I have previously devoted a lot of time too, but just got lazy. I have been implementing the word discipline back into my life, in more ways than one. The result of discipline is one of positive, whereas that word usually has negative connotation attached to it, for me now it means my focus will be different and my end desire will look different. As many aspects of my life have been entirely disciplined (i.e. nursing school) other parts have not, music for sure, among other things. When the worship team slot didn’t work out, I prayed almost initially that God would open my eyes to the reason why. Almost immediately God showed me that He wanted me to himself in this season of me rediscovering my music love, how exciting! Actually am really excited about it. My awesome husband bought me a very nice keyboard for my birthday and it’s sitting in our kitchen and I try to on a daily basis pound through my frustration over lack of present talent or strength of my voice and just simply worship Him. There is so much freedom in that and not having the pressure of performing at all, yet practicing and blocking out specific time is disciplining my life and preparing me for a season that I know God has for me.
Wow, I really should blog more often.
Maybe re-reading the first paragraph will help refocus of what I was talking about.
As I am writing the last part of this, I am sitting at a hallway at Hearts for Jesus Christ, the homeschooling group I graduated from and have currently taught at for the past 6 weeks. Because of my orientation for NURSING (!!!!) begins on the 25th and Lord-willing I will pass boards, I will not be able to finish out the school year teaching. It is with sadness and yet joy in my heart I let this brief phase go with high hopes of what next school year will bring for me. This was an answered prayer, and I had no idea how awesome it would be. I simply believed I would be rusty and not know what to say to these kids and that I would at the very least haphazardly lead them through the end of the school year. However God met me every step of the way and spoke to me about and through these young amazing people. My heart has been awakened to previous desires and I am incredibly pumped to have time for dreams once again.
In conclusion, I want God to be continually demonstrated in my life, actions, thoughts and time…and by His grace He will help me through that. I am excited to be alive again and feel passion and calling after many seasons of putting my head down and keep on keeping on.
Please pray for me as I am preparing to take my nursing test at the end of this month, I’m nervous and excited and trusting God that He knows my plans far beyond the present here and now, orchestrating everything around me to bring Him glory.
Promising more blogs (lol) - Bethany
January 1, 2013
change
December 28, 2011
bye-bye 2011.
I know. It's been months.
This past week I feel human again. With working, the holidays & simply trying to keep up with everything, including sleep - I was struggling. But thankfully now, with 3 more weeks left of freedom, I am relaxing.
As always, approaching a new year causes me to become reflective, as it does a lot of people. It's been almost overwhelming thinking about the changes that will be taking place in the coming year, which has been specifically on my mind.
A few weeks ago, I passed my 2nd semester of Nursing School, allowing me to continue on into my second year! One of the girls I go to school with mentioned that we only have one more time signing up for classes before we're all done. So Lord-willing, a year from now I will have an Associate Degree in Nursing! One of those things I never felt would come. It's been a struggle, but a well worth struggle in the end. God has shown himself so faithful. Giving me opportunities with different people I would've never had, had I not had to re-do the semester. It was worth it. To be honest, I'm very glad I'm not juggling finishing up school, graduating, taking boards & starting a new job all at the same time of planning my wedding.
:] My wedding.
Another transition of 2012. I'm going to be a married woman! Very excited! Since we past the 200 day mark I feel like time is flying, yet saying goodnight to Josh and heading home tonight makes it feel like it lagging.
It's starting to really hit home, that my home will be different from that point on. That's been really startling to me. And not in the way that means I'm scared or not looking forward to it, just simply because it's totally new.
My life is changing before my very eyes.
Sometimes I don't even realize because it's going so fast, and all I can do is keep up.
But then when I get to slow down, for those few small moments, I can see it.
Priorities are so different at this stage of life too. I assume they will continue to change as time goes on. And it's hard, to have to pick and choose what things take a higer priority, sometimes it's makes me very unhappy. But, I can't do it all. I can't be there for everyone, even though my heart wants to.
I'm glad that God has given things back to me that I really didn't think would return. He's so good. He's good even when we can't see it, but oh when we can, it's so beautiful. Little things even, make the biggest differance to me, when God answers a little plee of my heart. It may not always look the way we planned or wanted, but it's so much better.
In conclusion, this year has been epic, in epic proportion. In amazing & difficult ways. Love was shown in greater capacity than I ever imagined. Things were broken and restored. Compassion came forth stronger on my heart than I had ever experienced, literally my heart breaking for someone else dear to me. Trust was built and struggles were pressed through. I know that joy comes in the morning. I know things are worth waiting for, fighting for.
Something God has been laying on my heart, that He's challenging me with is to not let expecting failure & dissappointment rule my life, expecting it from everything to protect my heart from it. But God has that role, and I so long to be in freedom from it, and to expect that God is living, breathing & working for the good of those who love Him. And I love Him.
Happy new year guys, I'm really excited for 2012!
This past week I feel human again. With working, the holidays & simply trying to keep up with everything, including sleep - I was struggling. But thankfully now, with 3 more weeks left of freedom, I am relaxing.
As always, approaching a new year causes me to become reflective, as it does a lot of people. It's been almost overwhelming thinking about the changes that will be taking place in the coming year, which has been specifically on my mind.
A few weeks ago, I passed my 2nd semester of Nursing School, allowing me to continue on into my second year! One of the girls I go to school with mentioned that we only have one more time signing up for classes before we're all done. So Lord-willing, a year from now I will have an Associate Degree in Nursing! One of those things I never felt would come. It's been a struggle, but a well worth struggle in the end. God has shown himself so faithful. Giving me opportunities with different people I would've never had, had I not had to re-do the semester. It was worth it. To be honest, I'm very glad I'm not juggling finishing up school, graduating, taking boards & starting a new job all at the same time of planning my wedding.
:] My wedding.
Another transition of 2012. I'm going to be a married woman! Very excited! Since we past the 200 day mark I feel like time is flying, yet saying goodnight to Josh and heading home tonight makes it feel like it lagging.
It's starting to really hit home, that my home will be different from that point on. That's been really startling to me. And not in the way that means I'm scared or not looking forward to it, just simply because it's totally new.
My life is changing before my very eyes.
Sometimes I don't even realize because it's going so fast, and all I can do is keep up.
But then when I get to slow down, for those few small moments, I can see it.
Priorities are so different at this stage of life too. I assume they will continue to change as time goes on. And it's hard, to have to pick and choose what things take a higer priority, sometimes it's makes me very unhappy. But, I can't do it all. I can't be there for everyone, even though my heart wants to.
I'm glad that God has given things back to me that I really didn't think would return. He's so good. He's good even when we can't see it, but oh when we can, it's so beautiful. Little things even, make the biggest differance to me, when God answers a little plee of my heart. It may not always look the way we planned or wanted, but it's so much better.
In conclusion, this year has been epic, in epic proportion. In amazing & difficult ways. Love was shown in greater capacity than I ever imagined. Things were broken and restored. Compassion came forth stronger on my heart than I had ever experienced, literally my heart breaking for someone else dear to me. Trust was built and struggles were pressed through. I know that joy comes in the morning. I know things are worth waiting for, fighting for.
Something God has been laying on my heart, that He's challenging me with is to not let expecting failure & dissappointment rule my life, expecting it from everything to protect my heart from it. But God has that role, and I so long to be in freedom from it, and to expect that God is living, breathing & working for the good of those who love Him. And I love Him.
Happy new year guys, I'm really excited for 2012!
August 24, 2011
post-it notes of thoughts.
I considered blogging about 3 times tonight, and then it started pouring down rain and the wind is blowing so much it shook the house a little bit. So, no sleeping at the moment lol.
Oh my goodness, so it's the last week of summer. How the time flies, but you know? I don't mind fall coming all that much. I truely love fall. On those few nights we've had so far and you feel that crisp autumn weather sneek-a-peek into our blazing summer, you feel it trickle in.
I'm not really counting how many more free days I have left before school starts, I'm actually really excited about my last few days.
Tonight Josh & I celebrated our one year together - I got 24 gorgeous pink & yellow roses and a wonderful night out at Crocker Park...except for the ice cream lol. I am not a fan of ColdStone, I am really not - their ice cream was so soft tonight it melted all over me!! lol The most unenjoyable time eating ice cream ever!
Ahem, moving on.
I get to see the new baby addition to my world tomorrow, little Selah :] - my first UNITE: Cleveland is tomorrow - Friday I'm probably going to go visit my dress - Saturday is the last summer beach day with Joshy :]
Such a full summer, yet a lot of chaos. I'm actually looking forward to the order that is now coming in the fall. Heading back to school...mixed emotions really. But as usual with me, I would just rather get it over with than dilly-dally around like sometimes I feel like I'm doing. Besides, all of it is one step closer to next summer - the summer I marry Josh!
Learning to realize what season time I'm in has been apart of this summer, I get so easily distracted and God has a way of gentlely tugging on my heart, reminding me of the reason I was put on this earth. How He wants to use me. It's been an interesting adventure.
The past two months have been full of adventures really. Planning a wedding is an adventure. Learning about being married is an adventure.
Last month I went down a river in a boat, that was an adventure. It made me very thankful that I had Josh in my corner. We went rafting you see, I fell out twice and had a pretty brutal tumble at that. Josh didn't over-do, he simply made sure I was okay and was very gentle with me. I love the way he is gentle. :]
Went on a road trip with the girls in my family, that was quite an adventure. I haven't had that much Starbucks in one long weekend in a while! Possibly ever! My cousin's wedding was gorgeous!! I enjoyed it so much!! We also drove up to the coast, so I got to see the Ocean this summer :] That was pretty exciting :]
Oh my, what a summer, I feel like just yesterday I was making my first trip to the beach. At the same time, I feel like it has taken enough time. Ready, ready, ready.
Prayers always guys, this season I know will challenge me, but I want it. I know the outcome will be beautiful!
Oh my goodness, so it's the last week of summer. How the time flies, but you know? I don't mind fall coming all that much. I truely love fall. On those few nights we've had so far and you feel that crisp autumn weather sneek-a-peek into our blazing summer, you feel it trickle in.
I'm not really counting how many more free days I have left before school starts, I'm actually really excited about my last few days.
Tonight Josh & I celebrated our one year together - I got 24 gorgeous pink & yellow roses and a wonderful night out at Crocker Park...except for the ice cream lol. I am not a fan of ColdStone, I am really not - their ice cream was so soft tonight it melted all over me!! lol The most unenjoyable time eating ice cream ever!
Ahem, moving on.
I get to see the new baby addition to my world tomorrow, little Selah :] - my first UNITE: Cleveland is tomorrow - Friday I'm probably going to go visit my dress - Saturday is the last summer beach day with Joshy :]
Such a full summer, yet a lot of chaos. I'm actually looking forward to the order that is now coming in the fall. Heading back to school...mixed emotions really. But as usual with me, I would just rather get it over with than dilly-dally around like sometimes I feel like I'm doing. Besides, all of it is one step closer to next summer - the summer I marry Josh!
Learning to realize what season time I'm in has been apart of this summer, I get so easily distracted and God has a way of gentlely tugging on my heart, reminding me of the reason I was put on this earth. How He wants to use me. It's been an interesting adventure.
The past two months have been full of adventures really. Planning a wedding is an adventure. Learning about being married is an adventure.
Last month I went down a river in a boat, that was an adventure. It made me very thankful that I had Josh in my corner. We went rafting you see, I fell out twice and had a pretty brutal tumble at that. Josh didn't over-do, he simply made sure I was okay and was very gentle with me. I love the way he is gentle. :]
Went on a road trip with the girls in my family, that was quite an adventure. I haven't had that much Starbucks in one long weekend in a while! Possibly ever! My cousin's wedding was gorgeous!! I enjoyed it so much!! We also drove up to the coast, so I got to see the Ocean this summer :] That was pretty exciting :]
Oh my, what a summer, I feel like just yesterday I was making my first trip to the beach. At the same time, I feel like it has taken enough time. Ready, ready, ready.
Prayers always guys, this season I know will challenge me, but I want it. I know the outcome will be beautiful!
July 7, 2011
embracing my summer.
I don't know about you guys, but keeping up the feeling of the general love I have for summer is very difficult this year. There's a lot going on.
As some of you may know, for about 5 months now my Grandma has been living with us. It was an adjustment at first, now it's just life. She often needs full supervision, so going places isn't as easy. The kids are going here there and everywhere, only Dan can drive at this point, so taking them to work or play is often thrown into the mix. Instead of one week of Kingslove this year, we've been doing it every Friday. My house is a three-ring circus.
Work is pretty much consistently crazy, I want to make more money but it's hard to go in on days where the sun is begging me to stay out.
Staying excited about being engaged and getting married sometimes fades away, I get caught up in the details and the planning aspect, I guess my mindset is that I'll enjoy later.
But I don't want to just do that, I want to enjoy it now too.
Asking God what He has for me in this season is tricky too in some ways. And maybe I need to get more specific about what I'm asking for, but truthfully, I just want to hear his voice in my everyday life. I ask him specifics for my friends and family, but not for me. In writing this, I may need to ask God is He wants me to ask Him for something specific. Hmm...
I got re-accepted into nursing school, I have a few hoops to jump through over the next couple months before it officially starts, but it should be fine. I'm excited to get back in the game, I really want to finish.
The weddings this summer have been so wonderful to be at. I have one more, but I'll have gone to 6 total this summer. Phew that's a lot! I am very thankful to have most of July & August weekends free, it will continue to be a reminder that it's summer.
I guess that's what worries me, that I forget it's summer. The heat reminds me all the time, but because it's been so busy, I get lost in the crazy.
Maybe I'll ask God to help me remember what summer feels like.
Sounds silly, but I just might.
Ask him to remind me the quiet nearness He loves to meet me with at night.
To remind me to quietly watch sunsets.
To remind me to love on my patients at work with encouraging words.
To remind me to encourage my husband to be.
To remind me to soak up the sun and enjoy the freedom of working out.
Those are good thoughts.
I really long to embrace some good old fashion summer enjoyments of mine. My last two months before I go plunging into school, it's time to remember summer time :]
As some of you may know, for about 5 months now my Grandma has been living with us. It was an adjustment at first, now it's just life. She often needs full supervision, so going places isn't as easy. The kids are going here there and everywhere, only Dan can drive at this point, so taking them to work or play is often thrown into the mix. Instead of one week of Kingslove this year, we've been doing it every Friday. My house is a three-ring circus.
Work is pretty much consistently crazy, I want to make more money but it's hard to go in on days where the sun is begging me to stay out.
Staying excited about being engaged and getting married sometimes fades away, I get caught up in the details and the planning aspect, I guess my mindset is that I'll enjoy later.
But I don't want to just do that, I want to enjoy it now too.
Asking God what He has for me in this season is tricky too in some ways. And maybe I need to get more specific about what I'm asking for, but truthfully, I just want to hear his voice in my everyday life. I ask him specifics for my friends and family, but not for me. In writing this, I may need to ask God is He wants me to ask Him for something specific. Hmm...
I got re-accepted into nursing school, I have a few hoops to jump through over the next couple months before it officially starts, but it should be fine. I'm excited to get back in the game, I really want to finish.
The weddings this summer have been so wonderful to be at. I have one more, but I'll have gone to 6 total this summer. Phew that's a lot! I am very thankful to have most of July & August weekends free, it will continue to be a reminder that it's summer.
I guess that's what worries me, that I forget it's summer. The heat reminds me all the time, but because it's been so busy, I get lost in the crazy.
Maybe I'll ask God to help me remember what summer feels like.
Sounds silly, but I just might.
Ask him to remind me the quiet nearness He loves to meet me with at night.
To remind me to quietly watch sunsets.
To remind me to love on my patients at work with encouraging words.
To remind me to encourage my husband to be.
To remind me to soak up the sun and enjoy the freedom of working out.
Those are good thoughts.
I really long to embrace some good old fashion summer enjoyments of mine. My last two months before I go plunging into school, it's time to remember summer time :]
June 23, 2011
another chapter of love in my life.
As promised, the engagement story!
On a lovely Sunday evening, the love of my life asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, as his wife. Hehe.
Leading up to that point was definitely not poetic and I am so proud of Josh that he stayed the course no matter how many times I butted up against him and the wonderfulness that was about to take place.
Two weeks before our wonderful day, that will mark history for us, Josh reminded me of the plans we had of going to the beach the first Sunday in June. Now, I'm sure a few weeks before, after I had told him I would be working that morning, he asked if we could go to the beach. Without much thought I probably answered "sure" - going to the beach is quite normal for me, it is an event but it's a weekly experience. Based on that, Josh began to skillfully plan his proposal. He had already asked my Dad about 2 months before, I had no clue. The night he asked, our church was having a joint small group and Josh ended up being 2 hours late. I was rather frusterated with him when he told me he had been "sleeping"...which is not unusual for Josh, so I believed him. Little did I know.
About a week before the big day, Josh & I were discussing our weekend plans as usual and I mentioned to him I was going to a "bride's maid's barbeque" that two of the women of our church were throwing that night, the night he had been planning to go to the beach. Josh reminded me of our beach plans that I had definitely forgotten about and didn't realize how much he had put into planning for that day. I argued a little bit, telling him we could do it another day, but he told me that we had to go to the beach that day. I reluctantly agreed, I let the hosts of the party know I wasn't going to make it.
While I was processing this, I realized Josh doesn't usually plan anything, so why this day? A couple days later he suggested I wear something cute to the beach. More thoughts.
Mind you, almost exactly the week before I basically swore off looking at anything related to weddings, I loved reading stuff and finding bargains online, but I always felt like I was being until I had a ring pushy. So now with him saying these curious things, my brain went into high speed mode. I tried my hardest to put it out of my head, to let it go. I knew it was still there the day before though.
The day before, Josh and I were at one of my friends graduation party and he told me that his roommate, Evan and his girlfriend, Lauren had asked what we were doing the next day, he told them and invited them to come with us. Being that we see them often, I was immiediately crushed. The special day that I was anticipating, even if there wasn't a proposal involved, wasn't going to happen. (Don't take this the wrong way, I love Evan & Lauren, but Josh made it seem like we were just going to hang out with them and it will be like just a normal fun day with the 4 of us.)
I didn't intially verbalize my disapointment, but I knew that it was building all day. I had gone to a bridal shower earlier, where a good amount of the people were engaged and I was just so frusterated because I had decided to try not to think about being engaged or weddings, but all I wanted was to be in on the wedding planning like the rest of those engaged people (lol).
Later that evening, I got very upset with myself for feeling sad. I shared with Josh that I thought he was going to propose and that we would at least have a special day and now we weren't. After I told him that I felt so ungrateful and I apologized perfusely for being so controlling and pushy. I cried and cried.
And Josh, oh my sweet Josh, he took it like a pro. He told me later that it took everything in him to not die of laughter, however he never faultered. He held me, prayed that God would give me peace and he assured me that he loved me, and, that he was cooler than proposing on the beach. (lol)
All that being said, I was able to put all of it out of my mind, trusting that God had such great plans for us, and I felt free from any pressure about getting married. I knew a proposal was coming, and it didn't matter when, because I knew it was coming.
I worked 8 hours of day shift the next day, never thought to much about going to the beach later. After work, Josh came and got me, we had an incredible day with Evan and Lauren, making hot dogs, taking pictures, going in the lake. It was lovely.
Right as the sun was starting to set, Lauren & I left the guys on the beach to use the bathroom and get ice cream. We were gone for probably 20 minutes. Meanwhile, this was all part of the plan. Josh & Evan were searching for the perfect spot on the beach. Lauren's job was to get my camera away from me once we got back down the beach. We took pictures of the sunset, she took a picture of me in the sunset and wala! she got it. On approaching the beach, I noticed Josh talking to a group of teenage girls, odd. He's very friendly, but not usually so direct with people he doesn't know, and he was pointing and waving them away. Needless to say I was confused, I asked him if he knew them and he said no. (lol) He actually was telling them not to step in his writing, and he also told them he was proposing. And that's all it takes to set off a bunch of girls. Hence the waving them away.
Those same girls were still hovering around once we had gotten back to our spot with our blankets and such. One of the girls in the group, much younger than the others, looked at me full in the face. I will never forget how her eyes danced. It startled me because I have never seen someone look that excited, and she was looking at me. I was so confused. Confusion passed quickly when Lauren directed my attention at the heart Josh had drew in the sand with our intials in it. I thought it was a very precious gesture, what a cutie I have, I thought. We took a few pictures, had that "awwh" moment. Seconds later, Josh took me over to what he had written. The only part that I fully read was the MARRY. In my mind, believing him that he wasn't proposing anytime soon, I let it go. I assumed he was simply make a pre-curser type thing to our engagement, saying that he wanted to marry me. However, he then turned infront of me and began to start kneeling. Still, I thought he was teasing me. I couldn't believe that he would tease me that much, especially since I had been crying my little eyes out less than 24 hours before. I shouted some "no's" out of pure embarrasement.
Then, he went for his pocket.
And the real shock set in.
He pulled out the little black box and I drew a very strong breath.
This was real.
He said my name and had me look at him full in the face.
Then without hesitation, but a little bit of nervousness he told me he loved me.
He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
He opened the box, and asked me to marry him.
My hands flew over my face, almost as if I were in complete disbelief.
About 30 seconds past, Josh reminded me I had to say something in order for me to get it on my finger.
I replied that I knew and to hold on.
I finally said yes. :]
The beach erupted with cheers and clapping.
Strangers took our pictures and came up to see the ring.
So precious.
And that friends, is the tale of my engagement :]
...it's real!!!!!
We are so excited!!
On a lovely Sunday evening, the love of my life asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, as his wife. Hehe.
Leading up to that point was definitely not poetic and I am so proud of Josh that he stayed the course no matter how many times I butted up against him and the wonderfulness that was about to take place.
Two weeks before our wonderful day, that will mark history for us, Josh reminded me of the plans we had of going to the beach the first Sunday in June. Now, I'm sure a few weeks before, after I had told him I would be working that morning, he asked if we could go to the beach. Without much thought I probably answered "sure" - going to the beach is quite normal for me, it is an event but it's a weekly experience. Based on that, Josh began to skillfully plan his proposal. He had already asked my Dad about 2 months before, I had no clue. The night he asked, our church was having a joint small group and Josh ended up being 2 hours late. I was rather frusterated with him when he told me he had been "sleeping"...which is not unusual for Josh, so I believed him. Little did I know.
About a week before the big day, Josh & I were discussing our weekend plans as usual and I mentioned to him I was going to a "bride's maid's barbeque" that two of the women of our church were throwing that night, the night he had been planning to go to the beach. Josh reminded me of our beach plans that I had definitely forgotten about and didn't realize how much he had put into planning for that day. I argued a little bit, telling him we could do it another day, but he told me that we had to go to the beach that day. I reluctantly agreed, I let the hosts of the party know I wasn't going to make it.
While I was processing this, I realized Josh doesn't usually plan anything, so why this day? A couple days later he suggested I wear something cute to the beach. More thoughts.
Mind you, almost exactly the week before I basically swore off looking at anything related to weddings, I loved reading stuff and finding bargains online, but I always felt like I was being until I had a ring pushy. So now with him saying these curious things, my brain went into high speed mode. I tried my hardest to put it out of my head, to let it go. I knew it was still there the day before though.
The day before, Josh and I were at one of my friends graduation party and he told me that his roommate, Evan and his girlfriend, Lauren had asked what we were doing the next day, he told them and invited them to come with us. Being that we see them often, I was immiediately crushed. The special day that I was anticipating, even if there wasn't a proposal involved, wasn't going to happen. (Don't take this the wrong way, I love Evan & Lauren, but Josh made it seem like we were just going to hang out with them and it will be like just a normal fun day with the 4 of us.)
I didn't intially verbalize my disapointment, but I knew that it was building all day. I had gone to a bridal shower earlier, where a good amount of the people were engaged and I was just so frusterated because I had decided to try not to think about being engaged or weddings, but all I wanted was to be in on the wedding planning like the rest of those engaged people (lol).
Later that evening, I got very upset with myself for feeling sad. I shared with Josh that I thought he was going to propose and that we would at least have a special day and now we weren't. After I told him that I felt so ungrateful and I apologized perfusely for being so controlling and pushy. I cried and cried.
And Josh, oh my sweet Josh, he took it like a pro. He told me later that it took everything in him to not die of laughter, however he never faultered. He held me, prayed that God would give me peace and he assured me that he loved me, and, that he was cooler than proposing on the beach. (lol)
All that being said, I was able to put all of it out of my mind, trusting that God had such great plans for us, and I felt free from any pressure about getting married. I knew a proposal was coming, and it didn't matter when, because I knew it was coming.
I worked 8 hours of day shift the next day, never thought to much about going to the beach later. After work, Josh came and got me, we had an incredible day with Evan and Lauren, making hot dogs, taking pictures, going in the lake. It was lovely.
Right as the sun was starting to set, Lauren & I left the guys on the beach to use the bathroom and get ice cream. We were gone for probably 20 minutes. Meanwhile, this was all part of the plan. Josh & Evan were searching for the perfect spot on the beach. Lauren's job was to get my camera away from me once we got back down the beach. We took pictures of the sunset, she took a picture of me in the sunset and wala! she got it. On approaching the beach, I noticed Josh talking to a group of teenage girls, odd. He's very friendly, but not usually so direct with people he doesn't know, and he was pointing and waving them away. Needless to say I was confused, I asked him if he knew them and he said no. (lol) He actually was telling them not to step in his writing, and he also told them he was proposing. And that's all it takes to set off a bunch of girls. Hence the waving them away.
Those same girls were still hovering around once we had gotten back to our spot with our blankets and such. One of the girls in the group, much younger than the others, looked at me full in the face. I will never forget how her eyes danced. It startled me because I have never seen someone look that excited, and she was looking at me. I was so confused. Confusion passed quickly when Lauren directed my attention at the heart Josh had drew in the sand with our intials in it. I thought it was a very precious gesture, what a cutie I have, I thought. We took a few pictures, had that "awwh" moment. Seconds later, Josh took me over to what he had written. The only part that I fully read was the MARRY. In my mind, believing him that he wasn't proposing anytime soon, I let it go. I assumed he was simply make a pre-curser type thing to our engagement, saying that he wanted to marry me. However, he then turned infront of me and began to start kneeling. Still, I thought he was teasing me. I couldn't believe that he would tease me that much, especially since I had been crying my little eyes out less than 24 hours before. I shouted some "no's" out of pure embarrasement.
Then, he went for his pocket.
And the real shock set in.
He pulled out the little black box and I drew a very strong breath.
This was real.
He said my name and had me look at him full in the face.
Then without hesitation, but a little bit of nervousness he told me he loved me.
He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
He opened the box, and asked me to marry him.
My hands flew over my face, almost as if I were in complete disbelief.
About 30 seconds past, Josh reminded me I had to say something in order for me to get it on my finger.
I replied that I knew and to hold on.
I finally said yes. :]
The beach erupted with cheers and clapping.
Strangers took our pictures and came up to see the ring.
So precious.
And that friends, is the tale of my engagement :]
...it's real!!!!!
We are so excited!!
June 9, 2011
how it came to be.
hello all,
so, with exciting news in the air about my relationship with a special man, I wanted to take some time and not only write a blog about our engagement, but also about us.
I have been waiting to be engaged to write this particular blog, although I've written it out to myself. I hope you are humored by our story, we have had a lot of fun living it out!
Josh & I have known of each other since we were about 17, because of mutual friends and church situations. I have often visited Cornerstone Chapel for their youth groups/young adult groups. Our first official conversation was at a Charlie Hall concert at Worldview (aka River aka Journey) in 2007, our senior year.
Everyone was waiting in line to be let in and me in my spunky 18-year-old stuff decided I wanted to be the first person in. I made a big deal about it, and no one seemed to care and let me go in front of 5 people in line. Josh was one of those people, he gave me a look with his gorgeous blue eyes that told me he was amused and knew who I was, even though it had been a little while. My best friend Erin pulled me aside during our waiting time and said "that's Josh Warner".
At that time of our lives, Josh had an interesting reputation of being a quiet guy who liked to be around girls, lol. Erin warned me to keep my distance lol.
Two 1/2 years past, every once in awhile Josh would be mentioned in conversation with Sarah or Erin. And then Josh showed up at the Vineyard in Parma, and I remember us having one or two interactions originally where we were both like "I know who you are...but I can't remember why" .
Still remembering to keep my distance, I wouldn't actually have many conversations with Josh, but he was around. He came to the house of prayer in Cleveland on Saturday nights, saw him at church stuff, especially a lot more after we both became members.
In October or November we had a brief convo over facebook chat because I heard about a girl he was starting to like, and I just told him to be careful and patient, not to just go for any girl. lol.
During that time frame, my cousin Ally became a Christian. It was so exciting and she wanted to meet as many Christian people as possible. So she came and visited me and met a bunch of people from church and C-HOP. Including one of my guy friends, Aaron and Josh.
Somehow, the four of us were slung into a party of planning a cedar point trip in the summer.
During this time, Josh and I were natrually becoming better friends, he drove me home from C-HOP one time. I scoffed at his golf clubs in the back of his car and the country music he knew every word too. I knew my Dad would like him, and I got scared (lol). We exchanged phone numbers one day because he told me how he would fall asleep while driving (at the time he had a 45 minute drive home) quite often, it scared me and I didn't want him to die. Seeing that I worked 3-11 most days, I told him if he was every getting sleepy he could call me.
Turns out I ended up calling him more. Our first conversation on the phone started off by me saying that he wasn't allowed to like me. That I had enough complicated relationships with guys and I really just wanted to be his friend. He told me he wouldn't like me, it wouldn't be a problem.
We text fairly often, mostly when we were watching Glee on TV or on Thursday nights right before I would start my set at C-HOP. He came to our Spring Kingslove outreach and gave me a decent hard time, just for fun. My favorite convo probably was when he was teasing and said "make me a sandwhich", I told him he had to build me a kitchen, and he said he could.
As our friendship grew, I firmly believe that it was the Cedar Point trip that made it very obvious that we were definitely friends. Best Cedar Point day ever, we all had so much fun. And from that day I really started to trust Josh. Still no feelings. Promise :]
Throughout the summer, we had a lunch a few times, still were talking, hanging out, seeing each other at small group, really being friends.
I still had this view of him that he was a laid back, push over, nice guy who would just like any girl who liked him.
That opinion started being put to rest in August when we took a girl he liked out on a date, after some wrestling with him, he finally told me about her the day before. I was happy for him, but something inside of me was sad, because I knew I would lose a friend.
After their date I text him how it went, he proceeded to call me and rant for a good 45 minutes about how rude she was...lol it was the most spirited I had ever seen him be, and it was hilarious!
That conversation led to several about what kind of people we wanted to date, which continued into our 6 hour car ride to Michigan for the camping trip Aaron and my cousin Ally planned for us to go on at the end of August.
However, the week before the trip, at church, Josh sent me a text that simply said "hey you looked cute today". I flipped, I called him later that evening saying "you can't go around telling girls you think they look cute, they'll start thinking you like them!" He assured me he didn't like me and he wasn't going too.
I did a lot of kicking and whining before this trip, I had to do major adjustments at work, I was missing an outreach at church I've always wanted to do, we hadn't gotten anyone else to want to go with us, we were leaving after I got off of work on Thursday at like 12 am, I was nervous about Josh falling asleep at the wheel...the list goes on.
Regardless, that Thursday evening while I was at work, Josh began to smooth my worries by simply asking me if I could trust him, to drive there and that we would have a good time. It took some convincing but when I came out at 11:30 and he gave me a hug, my worried melted and I was determined to have a good time. 3 1/2 hours later, we arrived at our half-way point, Ally's house. We had a wonderful time eating sugar to stay away and playing "would you rather" and talking about the kind of people we wanted to date.
The next day was an assortment of shopping for food for the weekend and a lot of driving. Once we got the campsite I watched Josh get frustrated with setting up camp, for some reason, I liked that? The only side I ever saw of him was at church...and people are usually pretty nice at church lol. Almost without realizing it, my attraction to him was growing, and I wanted to see how the water was on his end. I winked at him during his frustrated moments, his entire expression changed to surprise lol.
The playfulness between us grew from that point on. I knew for sure there was something going through his head when we went to the lake the last day we were there and he splashed me relentlessly. I was glad he wasn't afraid of me, but I was also a little on my guard. As the evening went on, I became more comfortable with him, more trusting. He was giving me back rubs and I was rubbing his head. We ended up staying up all night talking, being totally open with each other about all different parts of our lives. About Jesus, our families, his new move to 12 minutes away from me, everything.
The best thing he said that night was that he saw that I wasn't as tough as I let on most of the time, that I'm actually quite fragile and need to be kept safe. My heart was won right then and there.
On two hours of sleep, we trekked back to Ohio the following day. Josh held my hand the whole way home. I slept while he held my hand :]
Once we got back, I promptly left for work and proceeded to work a 12-hour night shift. Which I only got tired a couple times. The new energy that I had found, the new excitement that I got when he sent me a text whenever he woke up during the night warmed my body and soul.
I slept for about 6 hours the next day, and than after work Josh came and picked me up to go on our first date. We went to Starbucks and gotten frozen drinks and then went down to Hunnington Beach to just talk.
We covered all the basics, how many relationships we had been in, how we were feeling about each other, etc. It was so natural and so normal to have him hug me and look at me in a caring way.
At the end of the night, we were sitting in his car, my legs were on top of his lap and all I wanted to know if he was going to kiss me. I asked him quietly and he gave me that stubborn look that I now know all to well and said "yes, when I'm ready".
At the end of the night he gave me the best first kiss I had ever had and asked me to be his girlfriend.
The amount of joy that was born in my heart, has only doubled since than. I thank God for all the time of waiting that was before this phase, I love seeings the way He works in our lives more perfectly than we could ever imagine. I would've never chosen Josh for myself, but God had him picked out from the beginning.
This is my testimony of how God fulfills our heart's desires in His own way and timing.
I guess in a way to follow up to my last blog is to simply say, I still stand firmly that God has to make you a whole somebody, with a vision and a foundation before He could bring someone into your life. And I heard someone say once that if your relationship brings glory to Jesus than He wants you to be in it. That's the only reason we should be in relationships, so that we can bring honor to the name of Jesus. By His grace, I attempt to that with my relationship with Josh every day.
Josh - I love you sweetheart, I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you and I couldn't ask for anything better. You are incredible man and you make my heart dance & mouth sing!!
so, with exciting news in the air about my relationship with a special man, I wanted to take some time and not only write a blog about our engagement, but also about us.
I have been waiting to be engaged to write this particular blog, although I've written it out to myself. I hope you are humored by our story, we have had a lot of fun living it out!
Josh & I have known of each other since we were about 17, because of mutual friends and church situations. I have often visited Cornerstone Chapel for their youth groups/young adult groups. Our first official conversation was at a Charlie Hall concert at Worldview (aka River aka Journey) in 2007, our senior year.
Everyone was waiting in line to be let in and me in my spunky 18-year-old stuff decided I wanted to be the first person in. I made a big deal about it, and no one seemed to care and let me go in front of 5 people in line. Josh was one of those people, he gave me a look with his gorgeous blue eyes that told me he was amused and knew who I was, even though it had been a little while. My best friend Erin pulled me aside during our waiting time and said "that's Josh Warner".
At that time of our lives, Josh had an interesting reputation of being a quiet guy who liked to be around girls, lol. Erin warned me to keep my distance lol.
Two 1/2 years past, every once in awhile Josh would be mentioned in conversation with Sarah or Erin. And then Josh showed up at the Vineyard in Parma, and I remember us having one or two interactions originally where we were both like "I know who you are...but I can't remember why" .
Still remembering to keep my distance, I wouldn't actually have many conversations with Josh, but he was around. He came to the house of prayer in Cleveland on Saturday nights, saw him at church stuff, especially a lot more after we both became members.
In October or November we had a brief convo over facebook chat because I heard about a girl he was starting to like, and I just told him to be careful and patient, not to just go for any girl. lol.
During that time frame, my cousin Ally became a Christian. It was so exciting and she wanted to meet as many Christian people as possible. So she came and visited me and met a bunch of people from church and C-HOP. Including one of my guy friends, Aaron and Josh.
Somehow, the four of us were slung into a party of planning a cedar point trip in the summer.
During this time, Josh and I were natrually becoming better friends, he drove me home from C-HOP one time. I scoffed at his golf clubs in the back of his car and the country music he knew every word too. I knew my Dad would like him, and I got scared (lol). We exchanged phone numbers one day because he told me how he would fall asleep while driving (at the time he had a 45 minute drive home) quite often, it scared me and I didn't want him to die. Seeing that I worked 3-11 most days, I told him if he was every getting sleepy he could call me.
Turns out I ended up calling him more. Our first conversation on the phone started off by me saying that he wasn't allowed to like me. That I had enough complicated relationships with guys and I really just wanted to be his friend. He told me he wouldn't like me, it wouldn't be a problem.
We text fairly often, mostly when we were watching Glee on TV or on Thursday nights right before I would start my set at C-HOP. He came to our Spring Kingslove outreach and gave me a decent hard time, just for fun. My favorite convo probably was when he was teasing and said "make me a sandwhich", I told him he had to build me a kitchen, and he said he could.
As our friendship grew, I firmly believe that it was the Cedar Point trip that made it very obvious that we were definitely friends. Best Cedar Point day ever, we all had so much fun. And from that day I really started to trust Josh. Still no feelings. Promise :]
Throughout the summer, we had a lunch a few times, still were talking, hanging out, seeing each other at small group, really being friends.
I still had this view of him that he was a laid back, push over, nice guy who would just like any girl who liked him.
That opinion started being put to rest in August when we took a girl he liked out on a date, after some wrestling with him, he finally told me about her the day before. I was happy for him, but something inside of me was sad, because I knew I would lose a friend.
After their date I text him how it went, he proceeded to call me and rant for a good 45 minutes about how rude she was...lol it was the most spirited I had ever seen him be, and it was hilarious!
That conversation led to several about what kind of people we wanted to date, which continued into our 6 hour car ride to Michigan for the camping trip Aaron and my cousin Ally planned for us to go on at the end of August.
However, the week before the trip, at church, Josh sent me a text that simply said "hey you looked cute today". I flipped, I called him later that evening saying "you can't go around telling girls you think they look cute, they'll start thinking you like them!" He assured me he didn't like me and he wasn't going too.
I did a lot of kicking and whining before this trip, I had to do major adjustments at work, I was missing an outreach at church I've always wanted to do, we hadn't gotten anyone else to want to go with us, we were leaving after I got off of work on Thursday at like 12 am, I was nervous about Josh falling asleep at the wheel...the list goes on.
Regardless, that Thursday evening while I was at work, Josh began to smooth my worries by simply asking me if I could trust him, to drive there and that we would have a good time. It took some convincing but when I came out at 11:30 and he gave me a hug, my worried melted and I was determined to have a good time. 3 1/2 hours later, we arrived at our half-way point, Ally's house. We had a wonderful time eating sugar to stay away and playing "would you rather" and talking about the kind of people we wanted to date.
The next day was an assortment of shopping for food for the weekend and a lot of driving. Once we got the campsite I watched Josh get frustrated with setting up camp, for some reason, I liked that? The only side I ever saw of him was at church...and people are usually pretty nice at church lol. Almost without realizing it, my attraction to him was growing, and I wanted to see how the water was on his end. I winked at him during his frustrated moments, his entire expression changed to surprise lol.
The playfulness between us grew from that point on. I knew for sure there was something going through his head when we went to the lake the last day we were there and he splashed me relentlessly. I was glad he wasn't afraid of me, but I was also a little on my guard. As the evening went on, I became more comfortable with him, more trusting. He was giving me back rubs and I was rubbing his head. We ended up staying up all night talking, being totally open with each other about all different parts of our lives. About Jesus, our families, his new move to 12 minutes away from me, everything.
The best thing he said that night was that he saw that I wasn't as tough as I let on most of the time, that I'm actually quite fragile and need to be kept safe. My heart was won right then and there.
On two hours of sleep, we trekked back to Ohio the following day. Josh held my hand the whole way home. I slept while he held my hand :]
Once we got back, I promptly left for work and proceeded to work a 12-hour night shift. Which I only got tired a couple times. The new energy that I had found, the new excitement that I got when he sent me a text whenever he woke up during the night warmed my body and soul.
I slept for about 6 hours the next day, and than after work Josh came and picked me up to go on our first date. We went to Starbucks and gotten frozen drinks and then went down to Hunnington Beach to just talk.
We covered all the basics, how many relationships we had been in, how we were feeling about each other, etc. It was so natural and so normal to have him hug me and look at me in a caring way.
At the end of the night, we were sitting in his car, my legs were on top of his lap and all I wanted to know if he was going to kiss me. I asked him quietly and he gave me that stubborn look that I now know all to well and said "yes, when I'm ready".
At the end of the night he gave me the best first kiss I had ever had and asked me to be his girlfriend.
The amount of joy that was born in my heart, has only doubled since than. I thank God for all the time of waiting that was before this phase, I love seeings the way He works in our lives more perfectly than we could ever imagine. I would've never chosen Josh for myself, but God had him picked out from the beginning.
This is my testimony of how God fulfills our heart's desires in His own way and timing.
I guess in a way to follow up to my last blog is to simply say, I still stand firmly that God has to make you a whole somebody, with a vision and a foundation before He could bring someone into your life. And I heard someone say once that if your relationship brings glory to Jesus than He wants you to be in it. That's the only reason we should be in relationships, so that we can bring honor to the name of Jesus. By His grace, I attempt to that with my relationship with Josh every day.
Josh - I love you sweetheart, I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you and I couldn't ask for anything better. You are incredible man and you make my heart dance & mouth sing!!
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