lovers and losers.

Hii guys :]
Thank goodness it's stopped snowing, and I have this week off from tests from school, big tests anyways. Everytime I walk into that building it becomes a test of something. At the least, my character.

So, it's Valentine's Day. The only day I literally hate the color pink and red.
I like red and I like pink. But together...it's just so ugly.
I've gone through every sort of emotion on Valentine's Day I think there is. I think it has finally start to lose it's affect on me, thankfully.

I remember one year, I believe I was 16 or 17; I was already having a rough day and I think it was a few days before V-Day, I had just officially broken up my previous boyfriend and had seen him after we had broken up. I walked through the isle of cards and such in Target, the ones covered in obnoxious red and pink paper and glitter; and I literally left crying.

...I have come on long way from there.

I've actually only had one Valentine's Day being a girlfriend, and it was with my long distance relationship. I remember writing a blog about the grass not being greener on the other side. Could've been the fact that it wasn't a healthy relationship anyways, but I think it also had to do with...realzing there's more to life, and love actually, then a silly holiday full of hearts and bows and chocolate and kissing and love notes.

Approaching Valentine's Day this year, I was thinking about the sad and very strong contrast of the people this day usually requires to stand out.
Lovers and Losers.

If you have someone, it's like the day that you are in love like never before and you don't spend a moment apart. If you don't have someone, your stuck alone, watching a sad, sappy, romance movie, drinking wine, eating chocolate and crying.
Sheeesh. It's so harsh! It makes me sad just thinking about it.
I also think it's kind of funny because I chose to spend V-Day by myself, chilling out at home because I've needed a break like this. I love that have this day to myself.
I won't lie though. The day that I finally have the right man in my life, I can't wait to spend time with him. Not just on the days that tell me to either. On days where I don't feel like coping with life and I need a break and he'll be able to take one with me.

I'm learning so much about being patient and waiting. I think it's such a big and important lesson that God wants us to learn. It's crucial to making the rest of your life.
It's a daily thing. Choosing between giving in and holding out.

Understanding love is very confusing to me. I know when I love someone. I care about them, I want them to do well, to be their best, to love Jesus, to find what makes them come alive. I want them to thrive.
I love people who encourage me, the people who take the time to know my heart.
I love God because He first loved me. Yet, I discover all the time I don't even understand that. It keeps surprising me, over and over. In new ways, drawing me closer to Him.

All these different labels of love.
I used to think that I knew what being in love felt like. But now, I know I have no clue. I don't think I'll know until I breathe my last breath. It's just one of those things I eagerly anticipate learning more about.
It amazes me when people say they're in love, because I am baffled by what that even would look like.
I hope to be pleasantly surprised when it finally happens. More than pleasantly actually.
Until that time, I will learn how to be patient [focus on school lol] and look at Jesus' face.

Now, I'm off to a bubble bath and candles and my journal.

*muah*
lovelovelove :]