ugaah.

today has proved so much to me. about pressing through and surviving. some of those things that I have learned from have made full circle and come to conclusions.
for instance, my drive home today from school, I slid so many times it scared me beyond belief. at one point I felt like throwing up, I couldn't feel my fingers or toes and I was trembling. I hate driving in the snow.
however, I got through I survied, I pressed on.
in contrast:
I came home, checked my math test, found out I have to go and take it again and meet with my teacher, and then tomorrow or Friday I have to meet with my OTHER teacher talk about my OTHER test. I'm studying and reading and writing like crazy for our test on Friday. school is so hard. I love the hands on part of it, and I do love learning...but at this pace where it's like pass or fail, it's scary and in knocks the wind out you, constantly.

my Dad verbalized it really well today, he basically said that I needed a little boost of positive before I went in and took this test in like...ehhh...like 32 hours or so.

I spent the last hour making notes and chapters and such, listening to music, just to keep me awake [I had clinicals today and yesterday...lack of sleep is huge]. There's a strong need for me to find some kind of resolve and not let myself be swallowed up in feeling insignificant.
Oh Jesus.
Save my heart. Save my soul. I want you. I need you.